one single mistake
by masqueradingHEART
Summary: He made the stupidest mistake of his life. With just one single prank, he had gone and ruined his entire life. His friends turned their back towards him. MWPP prank fic. no slash. a little bit of mentioned rape.
1. one single night

* * *

disclaimer! hi. my name isn't jk rowling. although i often wish that it was, so that i could have her fame and fortune, i only see that coming true in my dreams. sigh, for now i'll just stick with fanfiction, i suppose.

**author's note!** i'm back with another story. i wasn't going to post this just yet. i was going to wait until i finished writing the whole story and then post in a certain time frame, but i couldn't help myself. i wanted to get it out here. i have the day off school tomorrow and i have a project to do, so i'll probably procrastinate from the project and wite the next chapter tomorrow. go me. anyway, it'll be a short story, just about four or five chapters. hopefully they'll be all completed within reasonable time. and i promise i haven't given up on any of my other stories. they'll come as soon as my muse comes back for them. anyway, bon apetite.

* * *

His vision, at this point, was so blurred that he could hardly see anything. And yet, he stood from the stool at the bar, and would have fallen off had someone not caught his arm and steadied him. He laughed loudly at his moment of clumsiness, and those around him shared in his laughter. No one was quite as drunk as he was, and therefore, he was the source of entertainment at the time. He comes here often, the bartender knows him well, despite the fact that he is not yet old enough to be legally drinking. Had word gotten out that he was here, back to his school, he'd be in so much heat he'd burn alive. Often he came here with his best friend, but tonight he'd come alone.

At this point, he couldn't recognize himself if he looked in the mirror, let alone anyone else. He was too drunk, too blinded from the alcohol. And yet, as it was three am and the bartender was starting to close down, sixteen year old Sirius Black headed for the exit, stumbling and running into chairs, people, and tables the whole way out. He'd muttered out a slurred 'sorry' as he walked headfirst into the door before backing up, taking half a step to the left, and doing it again. Letting out a strangled 'oomph,' someone reached out and opened the door for him. Sirius stumbled out into the cold, tripping over the step he didn't know was there and fell face first into the road.

He moaned but climbed to his feet in laughter yet again and continued on his way. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his overcoat and staggered off in the wrong direction. He walked that way for a few minutes before collapsing in a heap on the ground for a second time, this time somewhat on purpose, however. He groaned and wrapped his arms around his knees as he drew them to his chest. He sat there for what felt like hours, but was probably just a few minutes.

The sound of footsteps approaching did not reach his ears. They were drowned out by the wind blowing, him mumbling to himself, and the alcohol. He didn't hear someone calling out his name, either, the first time. But a figure took a step closer and Sirius could hear the person speak this time. "Black?" the voice repeated. Sirius looked up, but could not make out the face of the person above him. He squinted his eyes but grinned goofily at the same time. "Mm?" he muttered out in response, swaying slightly in his intoxicated manner.

"What on earth are you doing out here?" The blurred figure asked, somewhat scornfully. Sirius opened his mouth to respond, but could not. Instead, he began to laugh, unintentionally. He hadn't found anything funny, but still he found himself laughing hysterically, tilting on an angle and falling onto his side, still laughing.

* * *

Severus Snape spent enough time in this part of Hogsmeade to know that one should not be out walking alone at night. There were plenty of creepy men waiting for someone to shag and old women out of their minds. But Severus Snape knew well how to keep care of himself. He wore a dark black cloak, a hood pulled over his head, so that the men could not see how young he was. At sixteen years of age, a scrawny boy such as him would be easily overtaken. There were plenty who were not quite as lucky. Drunken school boys sometimes wandered out into the darker part of the town from the Hog's Head and ended up in the wrong hands.

But Severus Snape had not often spent time there so late. It was quickly nearing three in the morning and although he knew how to easily sneak back into Hogwarts, past Filch and Peeves the poltergeist, he was more concerned about the area than the school. Hidden in alleys and behind corners were people so cruel and dark Severus did not quite know how he would be able to escape from their grasps. Luckily for him, tonight none of them seemed too interested in anyone or anything but their alcohol. Slinking his way into the darkened streets if Hogsmeade, Severus noted that the shopping center was basically abandoned. It didn't surprise him, concerning the hour, but it was eerie being out so late alone in the dark.

As he walked, he began to become paranoid, as he often did. Years of being tormented by his father and then coming to Hogwarts and being tormented by the majority of his school, all thanks to the wretched Marauders. James Potter and Sirius Black and their stupid followers were those who began this whole world of torture for the Slytherin boy. But Severus had one thing that James Potter would never get, and that he wanted more than anything. Or else he used to have her. Lily Evans, Severus' best friend of many years and the affection of Potter, was a red haired wonder, as far as both boys were concerned. And up until last year, Severus had had her almost right where he wanted her. And he'd lost her just by saying the word 'mudblood'. Out of any other person's mouth she wouldn't have minded. She would have rolled her defiant eyes and blew them off with a wave of her hand. But it had been because it was Severus, her best friend, that had said it that it bothered her so much. Now she refused to look at him anymore. And since then, Severus Snape had been alone. And that made it that much worse when he was tormented and teased by Potter and Black.

Speak of the devil and he shall come.

Squinting his eyes against the dark and pulling down his hood of his cape, Severus looked closely at the heap a few feet away from him. "Black?" he called out as he recognized the mumbling boy. In disbelief that it was actually the git himself, Severus walked a few steps closer and his guess was correct. "Black?" He asked again. This time, the heap recognized him and looked up, squinting his eyes and grinning.

Severus got a mumbled response as his enemy began to sway. "What on earth are you doing out here?" he asked the clearly intoxicated boy. He rolled his eyes at Sirius. Leave it to Black to be out at three am drunk off of his arse and curled up in the cold and deserted streets. He always was a waste of breath, if you asked Severus. He didn't get a response at all this time other than the other boy falling over and beginning to laugh uncontrollably. Severus rolled his eyes again and bent down. "Black," he said forcefully as he slapped him sharply across the face in order to regain control of him. "Get a fucking hold of yourself." His efforts, as he had begun to shake the drunken boy, had no success. Groaning to himself, he thought about leaving the git behind. Maybe he'd get caught by the authorities or something. Maybe he'd finally get expelled.

But Severus knew that that there was a better way to find enjoyment from this incident.

Grinning to himself he took a tight grip on Sirius' arm and pulled the still-laughing boy to his feet, with much difficulty. "Come on, you big loaf," he muttered under his breath. Sirius leaned heavily against Severus' shoulder as he finally got fully to his feet. He was still laughing and still stumbling around, but neither were anywhere as bad as moments before. Severus wrapped an arm around the other boy to steady him and headed towards an alley close by. It took a while to walk the short distance, but once they got there, Severus leaned Sirius, who had finally stopped laughing, against a wall.

The chance to humiliate Black was staring Severus straight in the face. Finding the right way to do so, however, was a much bigger problem. There were plenty of things he could do, but finding the right way, that was tough. It would be difficult to match up to all the hundreds of things Sirius and his friends had done to him. He was a downright git. And most of the time it seemed he felt his sole purpose for living was making Severus feel and look like shit. He had no right to, of course. Sirius Black was without a doubt one of the most confident, popular, most sought-after boys in school. He had all the girls fawning all over him. He had all the boys wishing they could be him. The teachers all loved him, even though they wanted to hate him. Why did he have to make Severus' life such hell?

Sirius was the cool kid around school. He may not have been a big, tough Quidditch star that brought his team to victory every year, but he was probably more popular than Potter. What really pissed Severus off was that he hadn't done anything to deserve it. He goofed his way through everything. Sure, he was near the top of his year, but he never had to try to pass his classes. Everything came easily to him. And yeah, he was rich, but he took that for granted. Hell, rumor has it that he even went as far as to run away from home this summer. He didn't accomplish much at all. All he did was get into trouble, pull pranks, be an arse. And yet he was the popular kid around school. He was cool and confident in manner. He would smile and girls hearts would melt. His hair never had to be combed for it to look good.

Yet now, staring at his drunken state in the alley, he looked anything but cool and confident. He was grinning goofily still, but his eyes were far away, vacant and lost, as if he wasn't seeing anything. His hair was a sweaty, tangled mess and Severus wished Black's fan girls could see him now. He looked a total, absolute, one hundred percent mess. And he looked, for once, kind of fragile, defeated. For a brief second, just one, Severus felt an ounce of pity for him. He didn't know what had happened this night for Sirius, why he had chosen to go out and get drunk for hours alone. Usually his partner in crime would be right by his side.

Sirius began to mumble, his eyes sliding into the back of his head, and Severus snapped back into reality. This was the boy who made him feel so much pain in his life, he needed to get him back. But what could possibly be done to amount to all the times Black hurt him?

"I love you," Sirius muttered under his breath, that goofy smile back on his lips. "You're so pretty." He was clearly drunk speaking but it made Severus laugh out loud as Sirius lifted his hand clumsily and put it on Severus' face. He wasn't even looking at the sober boy, his eyes were completely vacant and unseeing. He obviously had no idea who he was talking to and was probably imagining himself with some hot blonde girl or something. Nevertheless, Severus couldn't help but feel a bit disgusted by the Gryffindor's hand on his face and he pushed it off roughly.

Sirius slumped and began to fall to the ground. Severus didn't have the compassion to catch him and let the other boy fall in a heap on the ground. "Oomph," he muttered and rolled his head back against the wall harshly. He groaned loudly and sniffed. "Fucking asshole," he slurred out with a drunken growl, so it sounded anything but menacing.

Severus, who had ignored this whole incident in his wonderings, turned his attention back to his enemy on the ground, who was muttering curse under his breaths. Severus rolled his eyes until Black began to become more and more violent. He was raising his voice and began slamming the back of his head into the wall behind him. "Don't – fucking – touch – me," he said, slamming his head backwards after every word. "Don't – fucking – touch – me," he repeated, doing the same thing, his voice getting louder and his thrusts against the wall getting harder with each word. Severus began to become alarmed and he stooped to Sirius' level, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him, in hopes to knock the boy back to his senses, to no avail.

"Hey – hey!" Severus said harshly. "Cut it out!" Groaning and rolling his eyes again, he pulled Sirius away from the wall so that he couldn't hit his head any longer, but the shouting did not cease.

"Get the fuck away from me! No! Don't touch me, you fucking pervert!" Sirius shouted, thrashing in Severus' arms. The latter of the two stopped his efforts to calm the boy down and stared at him, eyes screwed up in confusion. "No, no, no," Sirius started to trail off, becoming looser in Severus' arms as he finally began to seem to calm down. Or so Severus thought. Instead, he started sobbing.

Severus wasn't sure what to do. He didn't know how to deal with this side of Sirius Black. The tormenting one was the one he was used to, not the tormented one.

As the minutes went by, Sirius finally started to stop sobbing uncontrollably until he was in a state of sniffing. Severus sighed in relief and got to his feet, gently pushing the intoxicated boy out of his arms. He had gotten all the information he needed and had no further purpose for him. Pulling the hood of his cloak up, he brushed off his jeans and headed out of the alley, leaving Sirius curled up on the ground of the alley alone, and made his way back towards the castle.

Let Black deal with himself. His own damn fault for getting drunk alone.

* * *

Sixteen year old James Potter sighed in frustration as he stared at the clock. It was after four in the morning and the bed next to his was still empty, curtains drawn back and the sheets still made from this morning. His best friend Sirius Black was usually irresponsible, but this was just downright ridiculous. He better be lying in a ditch somewhere dead for making James worry like this. He could hear Peter snoring loudly across the room from him and Remus was sleeping as soundly as ever, shifting only every now and then for a more comfortable position. How they could sleep while Sirius was MIA, James would never know.

Throwing the covers off of him in frustration as the clock changed from six minutes past four to seven minutes past, the messy haired, bespectacled boy climbed out of bed and walked across the room to Remus Lupin's bed. As the most responsible of the four friends, it only made sense for it to be him who helped James find the son of a bitch. As he reached the other boy's bed, he drew the curtains back and shook his arm, none to gently. "Remus," he whispered loudly, not caring if woke Peter up. "Remus," he said louder, more urgent, when the first try didn't work, shaking his arm even harsher.

The sleeping boy rolled over and groaned as he woke up. "Go away, James."

"Sirius is missing."

Remus, all without opening his eyes, rolled over so that his face was stuffed in the pillow, obviously no where near as worried as the tall boy above him. "He'll be back," he mumbled into his pillow, so it sounded distorted. James groaned and shook his friend's arm hard.

"Get up you lazy arse. It's four in the morning. Something's up," he said urgently.

Remus, still not convinced moaned loudly and clumsily got out of bed. "Fine," he said in exaggeration as he reached for his school robe and his shoes sleepily. James barely gave him enough time to put them on before gripping his arm and more than half-dragging him out of the dormitory, grabbing his Invisibility Cloak along the way.

Before exiting the common room, James slung the cloak over the two of them so that they could make it out of the castle undetected. At sixteen, however, it was getting difficult for two to fit underneath the cloak. When they were younger, it was no problem, but as they grew older they also grew bigger. Both boys were nearing six feet and the cloak was not all that long. They were forced to crouch down, which resulted in some pretty bad leg and back pains. But they fought through it.

They had forgotten the Marauder's Map, a device they had just recently finished, although they were always adding new installments to it as they discovered new passageways, in the dormitory, but they knew their way around the school well enough, not to mention the corridors were so silent they could hear a pin drop from a mile away. They had no fear they would get caught. And so they slid through the castle with well-practiced ease, making it to the statue of the one-eyed witch without any complications. And once they were out of the hidden passageway and out of Honeydukes, they slid the cloak off so that they could walk much more comfortably.

Remus and James wandered the streets, checking alleys and behind corners carefully. It was getting really late now and both boys were now increasingly worried. No bars or pubs seemed to be open. Everything was closed and the streets of Hogsmeade were completely deserted. There wasn't a soul around. Remus, who was grouchy from being awoken at this dreadful hour (not to mention the full moon was rapidly approaching and he needed his rest), was grumbling incoherent words underneath his breath that James was sure were not very pleasant and he therefore was glad he could not make them out. Sirius was obviously going to get an earful when they found him. James himself was too worried at this point to be angry with his friend. But that would soon change as soon as he was found.

They'd been searching for their friend for nearly a half an hour before they finally caught a glimpse of something curled up in one of the alleys. It could have been anything, but naturally they checked it out.

Passed out cold, lying on his side, and so obviously wasted, was Sirius Black.

"Oh fucking Merlin," James heard Remus mutter before the fair-haired boy dropped to his knees at their friend's side, checking for a pulse. Upon finding one, he motioned to James to come help him and together they dragged the intoxicated boy to his feet, each taking an arm to support him. "I'll fucking kill him," Remus said in anger as he shook his head.

James nodded his agreement, but walked out of the alley saying, "Right, well let's just get him back first."

By the time they reached their common room again, after much difficulty with getting the cloak to cover them all, it was after five. Their alarms would be going off in about an hour and neither Remus nor James were looking forward to it. All they wanted to do was climb into their nice, warm beds and sleep. But first they had to take care of their drunken, stupid friend.

As James laid him in bed, Remus went off in search of a bucket. They always had one in the bathroom for incidents like this. Sirius was going to be supporting the worst hangover the next day and while he was usually quite talented at dealing with them, they always rather to be safe than sorry. A floor full of puke would not be something they wanted to wake up to.

In the bathroom, Remus also conjured up a glass and filled it with water. Sink water would have to do for Sirius. He should be thankful he wasn't getting toilet water, the state of anger Remus was in at the moment. Going back into the dorm room, Remus found James searching frantically but quietly through Sirius' bedside drawer for the supply of Advil they kept there. Sirius himself was passed out underneath the covers, on his side so as not to choke on his vomit if he so happened to produce some during the night. As James found the pills, laying two of them on the nightstand, Remus placed the glass of water next to them and set the bucket on the ground next to the bed.

That was all they could do at the moment. Sirius would be out cold for a while, judging on how much he seemed to have drunken that night, and all four boys (Peter included) were bound to have a torturous day when the sun rose.

For the time being, James and Remus were collapsing into bed and sleeping the next hour.

**author's note! **yeah, so, what did you think? should i continue or just give up here? you tell me. anyway, i should have the next one up either by tomorrow night or by tuesday, depending how productive i feel towards schoolwork tomorrow. xD review, foo.

peace.


	2. never

**disclaimer!** well, i'm still just a broke teenager, on a broken laptop, so obviously i'm getting no money for this. sadly, because that would be freaking awesome.

**author's note!** so, um, it's been, um, like how long since i promised an update? yeah, um, sorry? i lost muse. sadly. but here it is. i hope you enjoy. please review 'cause that'd be stellar.

* * *

When Sirius awoke up the next day, he wished he hadn't. He had the worst headache he had ever had, and hangovers were pretty familiar to him. For a sixteen year old boy, he has dealt with a fair share of bad hangovers. But he grew up in a family in which alcohol was a pretty common thing. Wine for dinner, all sorts of alcohol at the hundreds of parties they had thrown over the years. And despite the drinking age, Sirius had been drinking alcohol since he could remember. Of course, he wouldn't have too much when he was younger, but the older he got, the more he drank until it came to this point, right now with him laying in bed with a headache so massive it could kill an elephant.

Sirius felt as if he should be dead.

Groaning loudly, he sat up in bed slowly, being careful not to make any sudden movements, he ran a hand down his face in agony and took a glance at the clock.

1:46.

He'd slept the entire day. Crap, that meant he had missed classes. His teachers were bound to be asking questions and although James and Remus would cover for him, there were bound to be queries as to why he wasn't in the Hospital Wing if he was sick. Sirius groaned again and stood up, slowly again, to head for the bathroom.

A nice cold shower was in the plans.

Stripping of his clothes and stepping into the shower, Sirius turned the shower on and flinched as the cold water hit him, then sighed in relief. His head was pounding.

* * *

When he got out of the shower an hour later, Sirius walked into the dormitory, towel wrapped around his waist and headache only a notch less painful, to the less than pleased sight of his three best friends waiting for him. Remus was sitting on his bed, head in his hands. Peter was standing off in the background, as if he was trying to make himself appear smaller. James was a frightening sight. His eyes were dark and cloudy. His arms were crossed and his face was tightened in anger. Sirius sighed.

"I know. I messed up. I'm sorry. But can I be yelled at later? I have a killer headache," he spoke before James had the chance to.

But his bespectacled friend wasn't going to have any of it. He let out a low laugh, but it held no humor in it. Shaking his head, James uncrossed his arms and advanced on friend, pointing an accusatory finger at him. "Oh no, you're going to have it right now." Sirius inwardly groaned but advanced towards his trunk so that he could grab some clothes but James cut him off. "Sit," he said shortly.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Can't I –" he started.

"No. Sit," James repeated.

Sirius sighed again but complied. He knew better than to anger James even more when he was already furious. It was best to just do what he said. So, clad in just a towel, Sirius sat on his bed, James seeming to tower over him. If Sirius didn't know the boy better, he would have cowered under the harsh glare.

"What were you thinking?" James started, his voice rising with each word. "You had us worried sick! You were out all night! You could have been dead for all we knew! What were you thinking?!"

Sirius opened his mouth to retort, but wasn't given the chance.

"You are an idiot! An absolute, goddamn idiot!" James' face was turning red and Sirius had to stop himself from laughing. "We should have just left you out there. You could have been caught! You could have been kicked out of school! They could have sent you back home! Are you an idiot?! No, you are. You are an idiot!"

Sirius hung his head, his dark hair covering his face. To James, it may have looked as if he was ashamed, but he was merely hiding a grin. He could never take his best friend seriously when he was angry. Despite the massive headache that James' shouting certainly was not helping, he couldn't help but find this moment humorous.

"Stop it!" James blurt out suddenly, clapping his hands loudly in Sirius' ear. The latter of the two boys grimaced and immediately his grin was replaced with a frown.

"Ow," he moaned as he looked up, holding his head in pain. James' face was redder than ever. His eyes held more anger than Sirius had ever seen and he was, for a moment, taken aback. He hadn't realized how hurt James was.

"When are you going to grow up?" James asked, finally resigned, before exiting the room, shoulders slumped and running a hand through his messy black hair.

Sirius sighed one more time before standing up and grabbing his clothes from his trunk. James was one to talk about growing up. He was just as immature as Sirius. The only difference between the two of them was that James had never touched a drop of liquor in his life, willingly.

As he was making his way to the bathroom, Sirius felt a hand on his shoulder and looked behind him to see Remus, looking as tired as he had ever seen him. He hadn't even heard the other boy walk towards him. "You need to stop this, Sirius. One of these days you're just going to go too far."

The towel-clad boy simply gave him his signature smirk. "I don't know what you're talking about," he responded with and turned back on his way to the bathroom.

He heard Remus sigh and, as he shut the door, heard him say quietly, "We don't want to lose you."

* * *

They'd gone to bed barely speaking that night. Remus wouldn't let Sirius out of the dormitory and, for dinner, brought him up food from the Great Hall. Said it wouldn't look good for his alibi of having a terrible cold if he showed himself in front of the teachers. After that short exchange, he didn't say another word to his still hung-over friend. James wouldn't even look at him. Peter had merely given him a sheepish look as he entered the dorm before climbing under the covers and closing the curtain to his bed.

Sirius didn't mind, though. His friends never stayed mad at him for too long. How could they?

The next morning rose with a dark sky and a cover of clouds that threatened rain. As the four boys trudged down to breakfast, James still refused to merely glance at his best friend. Remus worried but didn't say anything. James could hold a grudge. Sirius just was one of the few exceptions. Lily Evans was another. And Professor McGonagall was the third. It usually only took Sirius and James at the most a few hours to get over their feuds, but Remus could tell that James was really fed up this time. Sirius didn't say anything either, just greedily piled food onto his plate as they took their seats at the Gryffindor table. The way he ate, it was as if he had never seen food before.

James stabbed angrily at his food and shoved mouthfuls down his throat, barely taking the time to chew. He was unusually quiet the whole meal, not even bothering to talk to Lily Evans, something that shocked Remus and troubled him deeply. If James had no patience to deal with the "love of his life," something was wrong and Remus didn't like it.

Sirius knew better to even try to speak to James, even as they headed to their first class of the day, Charms. And he silently took a place next to Peter, giving Remus his usual spot beside James.

And so it went on for the remainder of the day. Sirius, Remus noticed, was becoming more and more troubled by the moment. James had never stayed this mad at him for this long before. Remus could tell that it was bothering him greatly. Sirius and James forgave each other for everything, usually without a moment's hesitation. The two got into so many fights throughout the past six years, it was amazing that they couldn't get over anything. They'd been through it all – girls, drugs, sex, breakups, Quidditch, school, family, death, everything – together. There was nothing the two best friends could overcome.

And so, as James drew away from everyone, Sirius drew more into himself. When spoken to, he would grunt in response. He seemed distracted, never gave a straight answer to anything, not even when talking to teachers. By the time they headed off to the common room after dinner, Sirius wasn't speaking at all. He headed off in the direction of the library without a word and Remus had half a mind to follow him. Surely he shouldn't be alone in a mood like this. But he thought better of it and decided to speak to James instead. This had gone on long enough.

They had just stepped into the common room and walked to a table in the back of the room when Remus confronted him. They had dropped into their chairs, the three of them, and Remus crossed his arms. "James," he started, rather sharply, and James snapped his head up at the urgent tone. It was rare the fair-haired boy spoke in anything but a calm manner. "What's wrong?" Remus said, his voice a lot calmer and kinder.

James looked at him in confusion but by the stern look on his friend's face, sighed in resignation and buried his face in his palm.

"James," Remus said, putting a comforting hand on the dark-haired boy's arm. "What is it?"

James shook his head. "He's tiring me. Sirius," he added, as if in an afterthought and as if Remus had no idea who he was talking about. The other boy waited for James to continue. He did so, after another sigh escaped his lips and he finally looked back up at his friend. "I worry so much about him; especially after this past summer. So much has happened to him. I feel as if he's slipping away and I worry I won't be able to reach him."

Remus grimaced in pain at the fear in James' voice.

"He's my best friend, Rem. I can't lose him. But I just feel like he's becoming someone else. He doesn't feel like our Sirius anymore."

* * *

Sirius never went to the library. Instead, he wandered the corridors of Hogwarts aimlessly, lost in thought. Never had James been so angry with him. Never had he ignored him for so long. Never. Sirius wasn't sure he could handle it. Not with everything that was happening. It wasn't fair. It's not like he's never done anything stupid before. What reasoning did James have for being so upset with him this time? Sirius often snuck out to drink. He often stayed out all night before. Never had he been out so late, never had he been so drunk, on a school night before, but he figured James might've understood. James knew what he'd been through. James knew how badly he had suffered. Naturally, he may not have spoken that he knew the whole story, but Sirius knew that he understood. He never really had to use words to get James to know what he was thinking before. They were like brothers. Connected. They understood each other. That's just the way it always has been between the two.

Never had James put Sirius under such pressure and strain before.

Sirius missed his friend already.

"Well, well, well," a slow, cold, drawling voice echoed in the halls and Sirius, off his guard, caught his breath in his throat sharply, the cold air from the dungeons, of which he had not realized he was in, stinging the back of his throat. He snapped his around to find where the source of the voice was coming from and saw the sneering face of Severus Snape not six feet away from him.

"What are you doing down here, Black?" Snape asked, drawing closer to Sirius as the latter recomposed himself, inserting a sneer of his own on his face.

Rolling his eyes as the greasy-haired Slytherin stood in front of him, Sirius responded, "No matter of yours, Snape."

As he turned on his heel to leave, Sirius was stopped by the sound of the other boy's voice. "Missed you in classes yesterday. Heard you were out 'sick'. Funny, I thought that was your friend Lupin's thing." Sirius stopped in his tracks and felt his eyes narrow, but he said nothing in response and quickly began to walk again. "I have my own theories on you, though." When Sirius showed no signs of responding, the Slytherin continued. "Did you have enough to drink?"

Sirius stopped once again, his fists clenching. "What are you talking about?" He snapped, tilting his head slightly back over his shoulder.

"The other night. You were a bit out of it when I stumbled across you in Hogsmeade."

Sirius couldn't help but restrain the shock from sliding onto his face. Luckily, his back was still turned and Snape could not see the look. He was, for one of the few times in his life, at a loss for words. Severus caught this and was pleased. Rare was the moment he had the upper hand over Sirius Black. Usually he and James Potter were the ones carrying information over his head. But this was the second time in the past three days that Severus could say he was on top of Sirius, no sexual references intended.

"Muttering, you were," Severus continued, taking another step towards his nemesis. "I didn't understand it at first." Sirius caught his breath in his throat a second time for that night. "In fact, I fear it took me until yesterday afternoon for me to stumble across what it could have been." He walked around Sirius so that he was standing in front of him. The boy's face was defiant, but his eyes held fear and disturbance. Severus' smirk grew. "I knew you didn't get along with your parents-" Severus trailed off at the look of reborn anger and defiance in the Gryffindor's eyes.

"You have no idea what you are talking about." Sirius' voice held more coldness that it had ever had before. He seemed to grow taller in that moment. He seemed to loom over Severus, his eyes carrying so much darkness, so much hatred, so much anger. But despite the frightening stance he was taking, Severus still held his ground, did not lose a beat. He still had Sirius exactly where he wanted him.

"Oh I think I do," Severus said arrogantly. "You have quite the relationship with your father, don't you, Sirius?"

Narrowing his eyes, the sixth year Gryffindor suddenly shoved Severus backwards. "You know not what you speak of, Snape," he threatened, his voice low and dangerous. "You know nothing," he repeated, the warning clear from his tone as he drew each of the words out.

"Nay, Mr. Black. I know all and now I believe I own you." With one last haughty smirk, Severus shoved past Sirius and headed in the direction of the Slytherin common room.

Sirius closed his eyes shut, his fists clenching so tightly his fingernails cut into the palms of his hands and he felt a bit of blood exit his flesh. Opening his eyes, he turned sharply on his heel. "I'll kill you," he muttered under his breath, but loud enough that he knew Snape would hear it. His voice carried so much hatred that Severus had the feeling that he might just do so at that moment. But he merely laughed cruelly and continued on his way to his common room, leaving the other boy standing alone in the cold dungeons.


	3. fight club

**disclaimer!** whattt? i don't own harry potter? this must be some sort of mistake! no? okay fiiine.

**author's note!** sooo. i suck? yeah that's about it. but i made this chapter extra long and juicy for you! okay, so maybe not the second part. buut i'll let you be the judge of that. review, lovelies.

* * *

Sirius returned to the common room late that night. He was in a bitter mood and didn't wish to interact with anyone. By the time he entered the portrait hole, the common room was deserted. It was eerily silent and the fire was nearly burnt out. Only a low glimmer in the embers remained. Sirius made the trek up to the dorm room, relishing the silence. The lights were off when he swung the door open quietly. He could hear the snores of Peter, the murmurings of James. Remus, as per usual, was silent in slumber.

Sirius made his way to his trunk and then towards the bathroom in silence. He did not wish to awaken his friends. Especially not in a time such as this. Not when they were fighting and most certainly not when he was in such a foul mood. Even if James were speaking to him, he would not want to communicate with him. Knowing him, Sirius would most likely say something that would only worsen his position.

As he exited the bathroom after washing up and preparing himself for bed, he stumbled over something on the floor, most likely one of James' books. The boy was a mess. Peter was not much better. Remus and Sirius, however, seemed to have been taught, or forced in the latter's case, better on the manner of cleanliness.

He cursed out loud as he reached out a hand to steady himself, catching the frame of the bathroom door.

"Sirius?" A groggy voice called out, obviously laden with sleep.

The teenage boy inwardly groaned. "Yeah," he responded shortly, dismissal in his voice. But Remus would not have any of it. Instead, he pulled back the curtains of his bed and sat up out of bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before sighing as he caught sight of the time.

"You're back late," he accused. Standing up as Sirius walked towards his bed, ignoring the statement, Remus made his way over to his friend. "Where did you go?"

Sirius didn't look up at him. "The library."

Remus didn't believe him. "It's half past two."

Sirius shrugged as he climbed into his bed, his eyes refusing to meet Remus, his body structure showing naught but hostility. He wanted nothing but to cover himself with the sheets, draw the curtain, and sleep until the next month. But again, Remus would have none of it.

"Where have you been?" He asked again.

"The library," Sirius repeated and drew the curtains of his bed shut tightly, his voice stone cold.

Remus sighed and ran a hand through his sandy brown hair before making his way back to his own bed, crawling under his own covers, and drawing his own curtains shut. He'd confront him in the morning, after they had both gotten a bit of rest.

* * *

The sky was just as dark as the day before when the four boys awoke the next morning. Sirius was the first one up, showered, dressed and ready to go before the others even stirred. He'd disappeared down to breakfast the moment Remus climbed out of his bed and walked over to Peter's bed to wake him up before moving on to a most difficult task – rising James from his slumber.

After a few foul words muttered, some punches lashed out, and sheets being ripped off the stubborn boy, Remus finally was able to get his friend out of bed and into the bathroom. There is little that Remus dislikes doing as much as waking the teenager up.

James was still in a foul mood as the three headed down to breakfast as well. Sirius was, by that point, nowhere to be found; not that Remus expected any less. He had a feeling they would be seeing little of their fourth comrade that day. They rarely did when Sirius was in one of these moods.

"Where's he at?" James asked between mouthfuls of eggs and bacon and sausage.

Remus shrugged. "The library?" He suggested, a bit coldly, remembering the conversation from the night before. Not that James would have understood, being fast asleep when it had occurred and all.

As it was, the other boy snorted. "I wouldn't believe it for a minute," he responded.

Sirius didn't show up for any of the classes that morning. That worried Remus; even when in a mood as foul as this, it was still rare of his friend to just abandon his lessons. He received enough detentions, lost enough points for Gryffindor house. He knew it was foolish to skip an entire day's worth of classes. He already in bad enough graces with his teachers.

He didn't show up for lunch, either; not that Remus expected him to.

But when he, James and Peter entered their first class of the afternoon, Potions with the Slytherins, there Sirius was. He sat in a desk in the back, had arrived there early. His friends wordlessly took their seats next to him; James being quick to take the one next to his best friend. He'd clearly gotten over the anger he had for him the day before, at least for the most part. He still was upset with him for his foolish antics, but he was not nearly as furious.

Not being one to beat around the bush and waste time with subtleties, James jumped right on Sirius' back. "Where've you been?"

Sirius shrugged his shoulders but kept his eyes on the desk. "Around," he replied with shortly.

"Doing what?"

"Wandering."

As Slughorn entered the classroom, Sirius was saved from further questioning; not that he would have answered in more depth anyway.

* * *

The rest of the day passed much like that. James pestered Sirius with questions that the latter would not answer. Remus and Peter kept to themselves for the most part, chiming in only when necessary or when spoken to. By the time dinner rolled around, Sirius had had enough and split. He didn't go after their last class of the day, History of Magic, to dinner. When asked where he was going, he didn't respond, merely kept walking in the opposite direction. James shouted after him, even chased after him to grab his arm tightly, but Sirius merely shook the other boy off and kept walking. James narrowed his eyes and would have gone, again, after him had Remus not told him to back off.

He didn't come back to the common room, or the dorm room, after dinner. James wanted to go looking for him, but Remus wouldn't allow it. Instead, the three sat in the dorm silently. Remus helped Peter with his homework as he did his own at the same time, while James angrily and sulkily paced the length of the room. Often he would announce that he was going to go get Sirius, but stopped at just a glare from Remus. By the end of the night when Remus and Peter were crawling into bed, James had resorted to sitting on the edge of his own, face in his hands as he continuously kept glancing at the clock. When ten thirty passed, Remus still would not allow James to go looking for their friend. He simply told him to go to bed, and when James declined offered up a second suggestion of getting his homework done.

James did the latter, but with little effort. He finished by eleven fifteen and still refused to go to bed. By this time, Peter and Remus were fast asleep, Peter snoring and Remus silent as usual. Sirius still was nowhere to be found. James suddenly stood up and headed for the door, still clad in his school uniform, shoes and all. He had his hand on the doorknob before hearing a voice from behind him.

"Don't even think about it James," Remus called out, tired and calm, yet strictly. James groaned and walked back to his bed, sitting on it roughly.

But by one o'clock, James was out of the room with ease. And then he was out of the darkened common room, not finding his friend there. He had the Marauders Map in hand and had his Invisibility Cloak covering him as he walked out into the corridors, the Fat Lady portrait calling out 'who's there' behind him.

"I solemnly swear I'm up to no good," he whispered after stopping behind a wall, pointing his wand at the piece of parchment. Immediately, words flowed onto the paper. James scanned the map for any sight of his friend, finding him at the Quidditch Pitch. He sighed in relief but then his eyebrows narrowed.

Sirius wasn't alone. Oh no, there was one other set of footsteps nearby him and they belonged to one Severus Snape.

* * *

Sirius had, for a second night in a row, spent his time wandering the corridors. Then he'd gone out to the grounds, by around the time curfew came. He'd gone out and wandered in the Forbidden Forest for a little while, making sure he kept to the edge because he didn't want to get lost while lost in his anger and thoughts. Then after about an hour and a half of that, he'd made his way out and towards the Quidditch Pitch. He wished he would have stopped by the dorm room while dinner was still going on so that he could grab James' Invisibility Cloak, but he hadn't been thinking about that at the time. Rubeus Hagrid, the gamekeeper, was still awake, despite the late hour, judging by the smoke coming out of the chimney and the lights on in his cabin.

But Sirius didn't worry about Hagrid. The half-giant often caught Sirius wandering the grounds at night alone and would usually just invite him in for some tea. Sirius didn't spend a whole lot of time with Hagrid, but he appreciated the man for never ratting him out, even when he was found coming back staggering drunk.

He was at the Quidditch Pitch before he even realized it. Once there, he sank to the ground on his back, looking up at the sky. It didn't take him long before he drifted into sleep.

He was awakened by something colliding with his side. Grunting back into consciousness, Sirius rolled his head onto its side to come into view with a foot, followed by legs that lead to the torso of a young boy. Sirius was thankful it wasn't a teacher, but aggravated at who it really was. He probably would have preferred it to be a teacher than for it to be Severus Snape. Glaring up at the other boy, Sirius narrowed his eyes and grumbled out, "What do you want?"

Snape smirked and shrugged his shoulders. "Finally realized that you weren't worthy enough to sleep indoors, Black?" he asked, ignoring the question directed towards him.

Sirius snorted and turned his head back so that it was facing up towards the sky. Closing his eyes again, he snapped, "Go away."

The other boy, as expected, didn't comply. "So what is it really then? Your friends kick you out of the dorm?" He questioned instead, walking a few steps back so that he was closer to Sirius' feet than his head.

Sirius didn't respond.

"Or were you just having nightmares about your dear old daddy again?"

Without even opening his eyes, Sirius whipped his leg out to knock Snape off of his feet. Snape had been in perfect position for it to happen and he hadn't even seen it coming, as he was concentrated on Sirius' face rather than his feet. As he heard the thump and the intake of breath that usually came with such shock, Sirius finally opened his eyes, though they were narrowed in anger, and sat up. "Shut the fuck up," he whispered, his voice low and dangerous. He really wasn't in the mood for another one of these confrontations.

Severus, though still obviously pissed off, laughed as he picked himself back up off the ground and brushed himself off, getting the loose grass and dirt off of his cloak. He held out a hand, as to offer Sirius a hand up for himself, but the other boy glared and ignored it. "What?" Snape asked, hand still out. "Afraid of touching another man?"

Sirius wasted no time getting off the ground, on his own, and punching Snape straight in the face. He'd done it so quickly that the other boy had no time to react. "You have no idea what you're sticking your abnormally large nose into, Severus," Sirius spat out, using the Slytherin's first name for the first time in six years.

Snape, holding his now bleeding nose, was even more taken aback by the turn of events.

"Get the fuck out of here," Sirius said threateningly. "Or so help me god, I will kill you." The Gryffindor's eyes were so dark that, even without the help of the dark sky (illuminated only by the stars and the almost-full moon), they were completely black. It was frightening, added onto the look of sheer hatred on Sirius' face. Snape wouldn't have been surprised if Sirius attempted to kill him right then and there.

However, he still had the upper hand on the other boy. Lowering his hand, which was covered in his own blood, Snape revealed a smirk still on his face. Despite the fact that blood was dripping down from his nose past his mouth. "You little fucker," he muttered out harshly. "Do it then. Kill me if you're so keen on doing so," he invited, though he still held the fear that Sirius actually would.

As it was, Sirius lifted his fist again and landed another punch to Snape's face, this time to his cheekbone. Snape took this as an invitation to tackle Black to the ground. Despite his scrawniness, the force of it did its job right and Sirius grunted as his back came into sudden and harsh contact with the ground. Snape, taking advantage of Sirius' shock, took his turn in hitting the other boy. But Sirius' surprise didn't last long and he soon used his strength and weight to flip Severus onto his back. He landed a few punches to the Slytherin before Snape kicked his legs out and knocked Sirius off of him.

The two knelt on the ground, breathing heavily and glaring daggers at each other, blood on both of their faces. It was Sirius who took the next first swing and soon they were back to rolling in the grass hitting each other like a couple of young school boys.

"Hey!" Came a shout from a distance not far away, but neither of the boys ceased in their fighting. "Hey!" The cry came again and soon the two were being wrenched apart as Snape, who had the current advantage over Sirius, was pulled off of his feet by the third party. "Cut it out!" The new voice shouted again, anger filling it.

Snape, still being held onto by his chest from behind, struggled against the hands holding him while Sirius, still on the ground, sat up and wiped the blood off of his face before angrily glaring up at the new person in front of him.

"What the fuck is going on here?"

Sirius climbed to his feet and turned on his heel, with the means of stalking away.

"Sirius!"

"Leave me the fuck alone, James," Sirius shouted over his shoulder and continued on his way.

James let go of Snape and jogged over to grab Sirius by the elbow, whipping him around before throwing him to the ground. "No," he said, more dangerously in tone than the shorter boy had previously been towards Snape. "You just need to chill out. What the hell has gotten into you?" he scolded.

Sirius didn't answer, but Snape chuckled from behind them. "Oh haven't you heard, Potter?" He taunted, grinning wickedly at Sirius on the ground. "Black's got some issues with"— he was cut off as Sirius launched to his feet with the means of attacking Snape again. James, however, caught him around the middle and pushed him back.

"Stop it Sirius, or so help me, Snape won't be the only one throwing punches at you tonight," he threatened. Sirius glared at Snape from behind James. He refused to meet his friend in the eye. "What the hell is going on here?" James asked again.

Sirius narrowed his eyes and turned on his heel again. But, like the first time, James wasn't having it and he stepped in front of his friend, looming over him, despite the fact he was only a few inches taller. "Don't walk away from me."

Sirius stopped and, for the first time, looked James directly in the face, not the eye though. James was still dressed in his school uniform, from head to toe, missing only his tie. His face was a mixture of anger and confusion and worry. But Sirius didn't care. He just wanted to get the hell away from both him and Snape before he did something he would later regret— like hitting James or killing Snape. He would probably regret the first one a lot more, though.

"Yeah, Black, listen to your mommy," Snape taunted as he walked forward, wanting to leave the area himself as well. "Or do you only listen to your daddy?"

This time James wasn't quick enough to stop Sirius before he knocked Snape to the ground again. But that was as far as he got before James was able to pull him off. James looked at the two of them with astonishment, holding onto Sirius' robes and standing over Snape. "That's what…" he trailed off. "How the hell…" He shook his head and let go of Sirius.

Severus, climbing to his feet, let out another laugh. "Oh yeah, I know," he said, basically gloating, as he smirked at Sirius, who was standing next to James. The fuming boy started again towards Snape, but was held back instantly by James.

"Stop it," James snapped out again, coming out of his shock for long enough to pull Sirius aside. "Stay," he ordered Snape as if he was a dog, before turning his attention back to Sirius. "How the hell did this happen, Sirius?" He asked in a low whisper.

Sirius shook his head. "The other night," he muttered out under his breath, head hanging down.

"When you were drunk." It wasn't a question. Sirius nodded. "How?"

Sirius shook his head again. "I don't know. I don't remember," he answered.

James groaned and ran a hand through his messy hair. "What the hell, Sirius? Did you tell him?"

"No, he found out."

"Well how?!" James asked angrily, his voice rising in frustration. "How the hell did he just 'find out'?" he added, lowering his voice.

"I don't know."

Sighing in anger, James grabbed Sirius by the shoulders and shook him roughly. "Well think, goddamnit!"

Sirius narrowed his eyes and pushed his friend off of him. "I don't know, okay!" He shouted in frustration. "Just leave me alone for once in your fucking life!" With that he turned to walk away for the third time that night.

After a moment of stunned silence, James shook himself out of it and chased after his friend yet again, turning him around harshly and hit him in the face, with enough force that Sirius fell to the ground. "You want me to leave you alone? Sirius, I tried that! I tried it and look where it has gotten you! I am not going to sit back and watch you throw your fucking life away!" James stared down at his friend, breathing heavily, as he ranted, his voice cracking near the end.

Sirius stared up, holding his face and wanting nothing more than to knock James off his own feet.

"What the hell is going on out here?" A new voice entered the scene, disbelief and rage leaking their way in.

The three boys snapped their heads up in the direction of the intruder and inwardly groaned as they were met with the sight of Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore. McGonagall had clearly been the one to speak, as the voice was feminine and Dumbledore never chose to swear. The two adults approached the three boys and Sirius stumbled to his feet, wiping the drying blood off of his face.

"Do you boys have any idea what time it is? And look at yourselves! What in Merlin's name have you gotten yourselves into? Fighting, on school property! I won't have it! Not from my own house, I won't," she directed the last comment towards Sirius and James.

Professor Dumbledore stepped in, putting a hand on McGonagall's shoulder to calm her. "Why don't we take this inside my office?" he suggested calmly, but the usual twinkle in the old man's kind eyes was gone. Both of the professors were dressed in their pajamas, wrapped in robes. Clearly, they had been awoken by the shouting and rushed outside. Somehow, they must have met along the way.

Dumbledore led the way up into the school and into his office. McGonagall took the lead, as if to make sure none of the boys tried to make a break for it. The journey to the school and to the headmaster's office seemed to take an hour. It was made in silence.

Once there, Dumbledore settled into his own seat behind his desk and gestured to the three across from his desk for the boys to take. McGonagall summoned for Professor Slughorn. They waited in silence for the third teacher to arrive. When he finally did, tugging on his nightcap as it was falling off his head, he was disheveled and aggravated. "What is the meaning of this?" He demanded of the three boys, namely his own student.

"We caught them out on the grounds, fighting as it appears," McGonagall answered for Snape. Slughorn shook his head and stifled a yawn.

Dumbledore cleared his throat and peered over his desk. "So boys, do you want to tell us what happened tonight?"

* * *

**author's note!** soo what'd you think? be honest. i love good review and flames. 3 sorry again for the wait. hopefully the next chapter won't take so long!


	4. returning

**disclaimer!** yea. it's been a while. but, sadly, i was not off winning the rights to harry potter. so it's still jkr's.

**author's note!** wow guys. i really am sorry. i won't give you a lame excuse cause i don't want to bore you with it when the truth is i'm just a lazy butt. anyway! here's the update. finally. it's pretty craptastic, to be honest. it's short and kind of plotless. let's call it a filler chapter sort of thing. i don't know, form your own opinion of it and let me know through a review? yea. reviews are nice. um, other than that, i'm going to start the next chapter as soon as i get my new laptop (which might be tomorrow, cross your fingers). aaand so yea. SOONER I PROMISE! i'm on summer break and i have no life, so expect quicker updates? if i don't, throw me an angry message or something. i like those; they motivate me. ANYWAY. i'm done. onto the chapter!

* * *

When James entered the dormitory, Remus and Peter were awake and upright on their beds, obviously having woken up to find James gone and waiting for some sort of explanation. As it was, Remus jumped on James' back the moment he walked through the doorway. While James did his best to ignore his friend, Remus landed him with question after question about where he had been, where Sirius was, what had happened. James, however, merely grabbed his pajamas and turned to Peter.

"I need you to go down to the Quidditch Pitch and find my Invisibility Cloak," he ordered the small and tired boy, who looked at him in confusion but reluctantly headed out of the dorm room at the stony cold expression on his friend's face. James then proceeded to ignore Remus as he entered the adjoining bathroom to get changed and ready for bed. Remus himself sighed loudly in anger and threw his arms in the air in exasperation.

When James emerged, fully clothed in his pajamas and his school uniform in a ball in his arms that would make his mother cringe, Remus stepped in front of him, grabbed the uniform and threw it to the ground. "What happened?" He asked demandingly, no longer allowing no for an answer.

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know how to help him," he responded with solemnly and walked around Remus to sit on his bed.

The other boy turned and stood in front of his friend again, his posture less cold and angry and more comforting and relaxed. "Where is he?" he asked.

"Dumbledore's office," James answered with. "He was fighting Snape down at the Quidditch Pitch," he added, before Remus could question further. "McGonagall and Dumbledore found us out there. They held Sirius back for 'further questioning.'" He put emphasis on the 'further questioning' in annoyance. "Snape made it a point to blame it all on him. He and I only got points docked and detention for being out past curfew. I don't know what they're going to do with Sirius." He sighed again and shook his head before resting his face in his palms.

Remus sat down on the bed next to him and put his arm around his friend's shoulders. "He'll be okay," he assured. "We'll get him back."

* * *

By the time Sirius returned, twenty minutes later, Peter had returned and he and James were both lost in slumber. Remus, however, was awake and waiting for their friend. He was sitting up in his bed with a book, reading although he would rather be sleeping like his other two friends. "Hey," he said as he looked up to see Sirius closing the door behind him.

Sirius jumped slightly, not having expected anyone to still be awake before readjusting himself and returning the greeting with a nod. "What are you doing awake?" He asked in a calm and quiet voice, continuing to walk towards his bed.

Remus bookmarked his page and sat up in bed. "Waiting for you," he replied with.

"Of course."

"You want to tell me what happened?" Remus questioned calmly, mentally urging his friend to open up to him for a change. He sometimes envied the bond that he and James had, for he had secretly always dreamed for a friendship like theirs- the unspoken bond in which both of them always just got each other, without ever having to say anything. They could just look at each other and know what the other one was thinking.

"Didn't James already tell you?" He asked tiredly over his shoulder.

Remus shook his head, though Sirius couldn't see with his back turned, or in the dark for that matter. "Not your side of the story."

Sirius sighed. "I ran into Snape, we got in a fight, we got caught," he answered with, sitting on his bed and kicking his shoes off. "Simple as that."

Remus got up off his own bed and walked over to Sirius, who looked up at him with a worn out expression. "What were you fighting about?" Remus questioned.

Sirius forced a smirk on his face and leaned back on his palms. "It's Snivellus," he responded with. "Do I need a reason to fight him?" The other boy wasn't taking it. With a frown and a disapproving glance, Remus voiced his opinion without words. Sirius' smirk faltered and he was left with a weak shadow of a smile. "I'm tired, Rem," he stated, and he sounded and looked it. "Can we talk tomorrow?"

Remus nodded and headed back to his bed, listening to Sirius crawl into bed and draw the curtains to sleep even though he was still in his clothes, all the while knowing that Sirius would find every possible way to avoid continuing this conversation the next day.

* * *

As it was, Sirius was up and gone before the rest of them once again. He sat away from them at breakfast, eating silently, before heading off to their first class just as quietly. He sat with them in class, but didn't speak to them more than necessary. "Pass me this." "Did you get that last note?" "I'll tell you later."

And so it went for the rest of the morning, until lunch when Remus finally confronted Sirius, outside of the Great Hall. "Talk to me," he demanded.

Sirius longingly looked into the dining hall before back at his friend with his familiar puppy dog eyes, making it clear that he was hungry and wanted to wait until after he had some food in his stomach before talking.

"Now," Remus insisted, grabbing a hold of Sirius' arm and pulling him further out of the entrance. "No more excuses, no more putting it off. I want you to talk to me now. What is going on with you?"

Sirius merely let an innocent look slip onto his face. "I'm fine, Moony. Really," he answered with, a clear lie. "Nothing to worry your pretty little head about." He said the last with a smile and a pat on Remus' shoulder. With that, he turned and walked towards the Great Hall. Remus didn't have the energy to try and stop him.

But maybe this was a sign that the old Sirius was coming back, the old happy and energetic Sirius rather than the one who wouldn't even speak to his own friends.

With a sigh, Remus shook his head and followed Sirius into the hall.

* * *

After dinner, Sirius and James both headed in the same direction for their detentions. Throughout the meal, Sirius had seemed to suddenly return completely back to himself, planning pranks with James, who was too happy to have his old friend back to remember how angry he was with the other boy. Forgetting the fact that he had gotten into trouble, detention and thirty points docked from Gryffindor, because of Sirius, James was willing to join in the loud laughter that the entire school was so accustomed to have coming from the two boys. But by the time the meal ended, James had returned back to his sullen attitude, no longer speaking to Sirius and ignoring the apologies and energy radiating off of him as he bounced all around the bespectacled boy.

Remus and Peter headed up to the common room, in the opposite direction from Professor McGonagall's office, where Sirius and James were going. Both were eager to finish their homework and head off to bed early, after being kept awake late into the past few nights. At least now they wouldn't have to worry about where Sirius was, as he was going to be under the strict eye of Professor McGonagall.

She was waiting outside of her classroom by the time Sirius and James showed up. Her arms were crossed and she had her regular cross expression on her face. As usual, she was none too happy to have to spend her night dealing with detention. If it weren't for these two boys standing in front of her, she wouldn't have to do it so often. However, as it was, Sirius Black and James Potter were regular detention-goers, despite being two of the most intellectual boys in their year.

Lifting one hand so that she could use her finger to beckon them to follow her without saying a word, McGonagall turned on her heel and walked into her classroom. The two boys dutifully followed; Sirius trying to catch James' eye while the other boy merely ignored him. She gestured for them to sit. Two desks out of the entire classroom had a quill, ink, and a piece of parchment on them. They were both on opposite sides of the room from each other, one in the front right corner, the other in the front left corner. Obviously, those were the two seats they were to be sitting in. Ignoring once more Sirius' attempts to catch his eye, James took the seat closest to him, leaving Sirius to walk the distance.

"You will write this phrase until I tell you to stop," McGonagall instructed in her stern manner of speaking. As she finished, she walked up to the board (her heels clicking on the floor as she did so) and waved her wand, making the phrase _"I will not go out past hours"_ appear. "Begin."

"Yes ma'am!" Sirius exclaimed with a salute before dipping his quill into the ink and beginning. McGonagall and James rolled their eyes simultaneously.

* * *

By the time McGonagall called time, both boys' hands were cramped and it was just breaching the curfew hour. She quickly collected their parchments and hurried them out of her room so as not to be late to their common room (because how ironic would that have been?). The two did so eagerly, stretching their hands out as they did.

"Well at least all we got was lines," Sirius commented as he and James exited the classroom. James merely shrugged his shoulders and picked up his pace. Sirius easily kept up with him. "I mean, it could have been worse," he continued. "We could have had to clean the lavatories again or something." He shuddered, still never breaking his stride even as James continued to speed up. "That would have been god awful. Do you remember that?" He asked, as his friend continued to ignore him. "And that green goop exploded on you? That was bloody hilarious."

Knowing all the while that James wasn't listening to a word he said the entire way up, or at least not responding to any of it, Sirius continued to blab on and on about nothing in particular. It was typical Sirius behavior, but that was probably why James was so annoyed with it. Sirius had spent the past couple of days being this complete other person. But now, out of the blue, he was ready to go back to normal. It made no sense to James, and he certainly didn't like it.

By the time they reached the entrance to the common room, James had had just enough. Spinning on his heel, he grabbed his shorter friend by the shoulders and slammed him against the wall, ignoring the complaints of the portraits all around them and the loud gasp of the Fat Lady. "What is it with you?" He spat out, an enraged look in his eyes.

Sirius merely laughed, mostly out of nervousness, and said, "I don't know what you're talking about, James. I'm perfectly fine."

"No you're not," James responded with. "You've been out of it for the past few days and now all of a sudden you're back to normal? What is going on with you, Sirius?" He repeated. "While I'm more than happy to have the old you again, I don't understand."

Sirius shook his head. "I really have no idea what you're saying. Nothing's going on with me."

A quiet and low moan escaped James' lips before he slammed his friend harder against the wall, once again ignoring the disrupted portraits. "Stop it! Stop lying to me! I'm you're best friend, Sirius, and I know something's up. I know this whole thing with Snape has gotten out of hand"—

He trailed off there as Sirius suddenly shoved him away. But his moment of anger quickly subsided as he took a deep breath, looking at his feet, and counted to three in his head. When he looked back up again, his face was as calm as it had just been. A smile slid back onto his face. "Everything's fine," he insisted.

James looked at him in confusion. Where Sirius was usually good at masking his emotions, as he had been taught to do so his entire life, when it came to his anger there was really nothing he could do to hold it in, to a certain extent. Where this sudden burst of control was coming from, James had no idea.

"Everything's fine," Sirius repeated, holding up a hand as if to calm James down, before turning to the Fat Lady and saying the password. She, like the other paintings around her, was in a bit of a shock and didn't respond right away. Sirius calmly spoke the password again, chocolate frogs, louder this time, snapping her out of her astonishment and she swung the door open. Sirius entered breezily and, after a moment, James followed, wondering all the while what was going on with his best friend.


	5. so fake

**disclaimer!** heyyooo. it's been a while, i know. but i _still_ don't own harry potter. damn.

**author's note!** okay. sorry this took so long. ): i didn't have microsoft office on my computer until just yesterday. soo that sucks, i know. but here's the chapter! i hope you guys like it. the end of the story is fast approaching. maybe. i might make a sequel.

* * *

Hands. All over. Slamming him back against the wall. Punching him in the gut. Slapping across his face. A swift kick to the knees, knocking his legs out from underneath him, allowing the feet access to join in with the hands. Kicking, hitting, punching. It was too much to take.

Curling up in ball helped to protect his stomach. Bending his neck to hide his face. His own hands ripped from his face in a harsh grip before a foot collided with his cheekbone. A loud gasp, agonizing pain. "Get up."

Struggling to his feet didn't help. Another right hook to his jaw send him sprawling on the ground again. Grimacing as a hand grabbed his hair, yanked him to his knees. "I said up."

Pain. All he could feel was pain. Coursing through his bones, his muscles, every inch of his body, inside and out. White hot. Burning flames. Someone had to have set fire to him. It was the only explanation for this… this _excruciating_ pain.

He blacked out.

* * *

Bolting upright in his bed, he waited until his rapid breathing calmed down before sighing quietly and running his hands through his hair. This was the third night this week he'd had this dream. He was getting sick and tired of it. All of those times he tried to tell himself that it didn't bother him, none of them ever mattered. It was clear that it was upsetting him, even when he knew it shouldn't. It never bothered him when he was awake. He hadn't even been having these… nightmares, he supposed that's what they were, until earlier this week. He had a feeling he knew what was bringing them on, though. And that something most certainly had to do with a certain greasy-haired Slytherin that he couldn't stand.

Looking at the clock next to his bed, he groaned as he saw the time was only four-thirty in the morning. Knowing he wouldn't be able to fall back asleep, Sirius pulled the covers off of himself and climbed out of bed. He then proceeded to grab his uniform out of his trunk and head into the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day. It was Friday, finally. Although he wasn't entirely sure that he was excited for the weekend. He had to suffer through all-day detentions both Saturday and Sunday, with a prequel Friday night one, all with McGonagall and he was certain that they weren't going to be pleasant. He wasn't sure when he was going to get his homework done, but he didn't really want to think about that just yet. He just wanted one unpressured moment. He felt like he hadn't had one of those all week, and he was pretty sure that things weren't going to get easier.

His friends were all on his case now. He knew it was his own fault. He shouldn't have gone out that one night, Sunday night. Then he wouldn't have run into Snivellus. He wouldn't have drunkenly blurted out his secret, the one thing no one knew about him that he would do everything in his power to keep people from figuring out. If he hadn't gone out Sunday night, none of this would be happening to him right now.

Sirius banged his head into the shower wall a few times before finally resting it there. He didn't hit it hard enough to cause any pain, or much noise for that matter, but he didn't want to alert his friends anymore. While he was certain James and Peter would sleep through it (because they could sleep through the Apocalypse), but Remus could hear a pin drop in the middle of a bombing.

He didn't know why all this had to happen to him. Sure, he made plenty of mistakes during his years. But this wasn't fair. In fact, this was downright ridiculous. He tried to be a good person. Yea, he spoke back to his mother and his father, but he did it with good reason. Yes, he disobeyed and disrespected his elders constantly, but he had all good intentions. Sirius Black was not a bad person. He stuck up for his friends. He looked after the little guy. He stood up for his beliefs, that people should be treated as equally. So why was it that he was the one who had the horrible, unsupportive, abusive parents? Why was it that he was the one who went through hard time after hard time? Why was it that he had to always be the one who had to stay strong, to do the right thing, to suffer so much pain? He thought, like he had so many times in the past six years, that maybe it would have been better if he had been sorted into Slytherin after all.

* * *

James woke up when the first light streamed through the window. Glancing at his clock, he groaned. It was way too early for him to be up. Classes wouldn't start for another two hours. Breakfast wasn't for over another hour. James wasn't the type to wake up early. In fact, he was the type who woke up at the last possible minute, no second. So why was he waking up at five thirty-seven in the morning? Well that was a question he would very much like the answer to be.

After seven minutes of tossing and turning and trying to get back to sleep with no luck, James finally groaned, a little too loudly than necessary but thankfully it didn't wake anyone else up, and climbed out of bed. His sheets had already been kicked off in his poor attempts to fall back asleep. Looking over at the beds next to his, in hopes that someone else was awake, he saw Peter fast asleep on his back, his arm dangling off the side, mouth open and snoring loudly. He saw Remus in the bed next to Pete's, also fast asleep but in a much quieter, peaceful manner. And the bed next to James', Sirius', well that one was empty. It didn't really surprise James. Sirius was usually one who awoke fairly early. Although, it wasn't ever usually this early. But James figured it just had to do with his odd behavior lately.

It was when he realized the empty bed that he heard the shower water running. Figuring Sirius must've just gotten up minutes before James had, to still be in the shower when his typical shower time lasted a grand total of five minutes, James ran a hand through his hair and groggily headed towards the bathroom, wondering how he hadn't heard the water running before.

"Sirius?" He called out tiredly when he reached the bathroom. Upon not hearing a response, he walked closer to the shower, which thankfully was blocked from view by a crimson curtain, and repeated his friend's name twice, receiving no answer either time. "Hey, Sirius!" he called out louder, hitting the curtain with his hand.

"What?" Finally came a strained response, so quiet that even if the shower water hadn't been running, James would still have trouble hearing it.

"How long you been in there, mate?" He asked, after realizing that the bathroom wasn't filled with steam, as it usually was when Sirius took his shower, using up all the hot water in the process. Sirius gave a muffled response that James could not understand. "What?"

"I don't know," Sirius spoke louder, and James could hear the annoyance that tainted his tone.

"Well hurry up and get out, alright?" James responded with, sighing and turning on his heel.

"James," Sirius' voice cracked. James stopped in his tracks and turned around again.

"What?"

There was a long pause and James took a few steps forward. "Never mind," Sirius answered and immediately after the water shut off. There was finality in Sirius' voice, so James shook his head and left the bathroom, to give his friend privacy.

He was really getting tired of this.

* * *

Sirius came out of the bathroom just a few minutes later, but that was the last of him James saw that morning. He didn't show up at breakfast and he didn't show up for any of their morning classes. Remus and Peter were filled with questions, after waking up to James in a rotten mood they had at first brushed off to his being up so early, until breakfast when he was angrily stabbing at his food and murmuring about Sirius.

It wasn't until lunch that Sirius made his grand appearance. He was seemingly in a cheerful mood, claiming he had spent the morning in the Hospital Wing, which James later clarified with Madame Pomfrey, with a bad headache.

For the rest of the afternoon, Sirius seemed to be in a forcibly cheerful mood. He smiled too much. He laughed too loudly. He said "I'm fine" in too much of a recited tone. He was generally, all-around, too happy. And it was all unbelievable. Remus could see past the fake smiles. James heard the annoyance in his laughs. Even Peter could tell that when he said he was fine, he was lying through his teeth. It was all too acted out and no one was buying it. Sirius seemed as if he realized this, but he did nothing to change it, even when his friends told him to drop the charade.

"Enough already, Sirius," James snapped at dinner, when Sirius asked him to _please_ pass a roll.

Sirius looked up at his friend with innocent and confused eyes, but James wasn't buying them for one minute and instead of giving him a roll, gave him a glare that was so brutal, it would have killed a plant on the spot, if there was one around. But it didn't shake Sirius' innocent gaze. Maybe he was too used to James' tough love. Maybe he was really too far gone in his act.

James made a low growl, but was instantly quieted by Remus' hand on his arm. There's people around, it meant to remind him; witnesses if he lunged across the table and killed Sirius.

"Sirius," Remus said quietly, and tiredly. The full moon was coming up and he really wasn't in the mood to play peacemaker between his two best friends. He was too tired and he didn't have the energy. "Just drop the act, alright. We're not buying it. We just want to know what's going on with you. Don't, you don't have to tell us now," he added quickly when Sirius opened his mouth to retort. "But we're worried about you. Just, just eat your dinner and stop acting like a git. For one night, alright?"

Sirius' smile faded and he nodded, hanging his head over his plate to finish eating. Moments later, a roll was gently placed onto his plate and he looked up to James' hand pulling away, not being able to make eye contact with the boy sitting across from him as he was already looking down at his own plate.

The rest of the meal continued in silence and afterwards the four boys headed out of the Great Hall and into their separate ways. Remus and Peter left for the common room while Sirius and James started off towards McGonagall's classroom for their second detention. The journey was made in stone silence.

They got stuck cleaning the boys' bathrooms for detention this time. It was clear to the both of them that the punishments were going to get worse each time, from now on. And if you think it can't get much worse than cleaning the toilets in the boys' lavatories, then you'd be far from the truth. And Sirius and James both knew that it was going to be bad.

They were separated. James did the ones on the lower floors, Sirius on the upper. It took them a good few hours before they were finished and Filch approved them; obviously McGonagall wasn't going to do the checkups.

The two boys made it to their dormitory at just before ten forty-five. Both were exhausted and felt disgusting. They didn't smell too pleasant, either, but neither mentioned that. In fact, neither mentioned anything the entire trek up to the common room. James jumped into the shower first and Sirius didn't protest. He didn't want his friend to be mad at him for anything else. There was already too much tension between the two of them.

Peter was asleep in his bed. Despite the fact that it wasn't even eleven o'clock on a Friday night, Sirius wasn't surprised. Peter was always falling asleep early, and waking up late.

Remus was sitting on his bed, school books spread out in front of him, doing some homework he knew he'd be missing out on the chance to do this weekend. He had dark shadows under his eyes and he looked exhausted. Sirius felt a pang of guilt when he thought of everything he had put his friend through this week. It was always difficult for his calm and studious friend the week approaching the full moon. And the stress Sirius seemed to be causing so much of would not help. But it wasn't entirely his fault. It wasn't like he had _asked_ his friends to get involved in this. In fact, he thought he had made it pretty damn clear that he didn't want them to have anything to do with this.

James took his time getting out of the shower, taking up a good fifteen minutes that probably would have used up the majority of the hot water. But Sirius didn't mind. He'd spent over an hour in the shower this morning and he was sure, although he didn't stick around to find out, that none of his friends were able to take a warm shower.

Sirius squeezed past James, his pajamas in hand, to reach the bathroom. He took a quick shower, hoping to get the conversation he knew was coming over as quickly as possible so that he could get to bed early. He had to get up early for detention tomorrow morning and he knew that by the end of it, which wouldn't be until well into the afternoon, he would be exhausted. Not to mention that the full moon was the next night, and he wouldn't get any sleep then, either, if Remus even still wanted him there.

Getting dressed, brushing his teeth, and finishing up getting ready for bed, Sirius turned the light off in the bathroom, preparing himself for what would be a great deal of hassling.

He didn't want to have to deal with it, but he knew it was unavoidable, just like it had been the entire week. He was beyond sick and tired of having this conversation, over and over again. Couldn't his friends tell by now that this was one thing he didn't want to talk about? He told his friends, generally, everything. They knew almost everything about his life. Why did they have to know the one thing he so obviously didn't want to share? Was it so much to ask that he had one secret from them, one thing he thought too much for them to handle?

But when he exited the bathroom, James was already in bed, curtains drawn and apparently sleeping. Remus was still working on his homework, but he was yawning and rubbing his red eyes and Sirius knew from experience that that meant he was about to call it a night as well. Apparently he was getting off the hook tonight.

So Sirius, in a confused but slightly better mood, climbed into his own bed, closed the curtains and pulled the sheets up around him, thanking whatever god had heard his wish.

He was asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.

* * *

**author's note!** tada! finally, the fifth chapter. and i'm going to start the sixth chapter tomorrow. i'm making a pact to myself to try to write a chapter each night, because i really, really, really want to get these stories finished and some new ones up. so please, please, please, yes i'm begging you on my knees, to review. because i love reviews. they make my heart soar. (:


	6. the beginning of the end

**disclaimer!** it is with my deepest regrets to inform you that i am not in anyway a part of the ownership of harry potter. in fact, i don't have anything to do with anything related to harry potter except for my sincerest fan-ionhood and this fanfiction. get it, fan. not ownerfiction or owner-ionhood.

**author's note!** this wasn't that bad of a wait was it? i hope not. i got a little unmotivated with it about... twelve paragraphs in. but shh. i suffered through my drowsiness caused by benadryll and brought you this chapter. love it, hate it, either way, let me know. (: btw, i just saw half blood prince. sooooo good, and i usually hate the movies. (:

* * *

Sirius awoke with a loud gasp the next morning, bolting upright in bed once more. He was really getting tired of this new routine. He had to wait a few moments to catch his breath, get his breathing back to normal. When he did, he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, realizing that it was wet with sweat. In fact, he was covered in sticky sweat.

Groaning, he kicked his sheets off of him and looked at the clock. Seven thirty.

It was the first time all week, after Monday, that he'd been able to sleep in past the crack of dawn. Remus would be getting up soon.

Climbing out of bed, Sirius headed towards the bathroom quickly, with the intentions of getting in and out of the shower before Remus did wake up. He got off lucky last night with the questioning, but he wasn't so sure that his luck would proceed into today. Not to mention that his detention started in less than an hour.

* * *

Remus woke up to the sound of the shower starting up. He knew without having to look around the room that it was Sirius. Glancing over at the clock, he saw it was just past seven thirty in the morning. He was exhausted, but he had a lot of homework he still needed to get done, his Potions essay, his two Transfiguration essays, the charms he needed to practice for Charms. So he climbed out of bed and searched through his trunk for some muggle clothing he could wear for the day.

As he pulled out a pair of worn-out jeans and a blue T-shirt, he sighed to himself. He wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to do about his friend. Sirius had always been the easy one of the group. He'd always been the one they didn't have to worry about falling off the deep end. He was always the one they didn't have to help. He always took care of himself. He was the one who usually took care of them. He stood up, fought for Peter when he was being picked on by older students or Slytherins. He took the blame when James did something completely reckless and stupid, so that he didn't get kicked off the Quidditch team, or miss any practices. He was the one who came up with the idea of him, James and Peter becoming animagi so that Remus didn't have to deal with his furry little secret all on his own.

It was typically Sirius that pulled the other three out of their bad moods, their slumps. It was usually him that made them smile when they wanted to frown, laugh when they wanted to scream. And now it was obvious, by the nightmares he pretended he didn't notice, that it was Sirius that needed the help.

Sighing again and standing up, Remus heard the shower water shut off. A minute later, Sirius was walking out of the bathroom, shirtless and drying his hair with a towel. He nodded slightly at Remus and then began sorting through his trunk for a shirt. Remus nodded back and headed into the bathroom.

Sirius sighed when the door to the bathroom shut closed. Grabbing a shirt he quickly pulled it over his head, then grabbed his wand off his bedside table and said a drying spell to dry his sopping wet hair, discarding the towel on his bed.

Stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he then headed out of the dorm room, to the Great Hall to grab some breakfast before detention. He wasn't sure if he was going to be getting to stop for lunch, so he wanted to make sure he at least got something to eat.

On his way down, he couldn't help but let his thoughts drift back on the past week. It was pretty much all he could think about lately. He was tired of _acting_ around his friends. He missed being able to be himself.

* * *

James didn't wake up until well after eleven. The sun was already high in the sky, Remus was already in the library working on some homework, Peter was already off someplace James really did not care all that much to know, and Sirius was still in his detention. All this meant that James had the entire dormitory to himself, a rare event as Peter rarely left when James was still present and Sirius usually would have pulled James out of bed and dragged him off someplace else, impatient with his best friend's sleeping habits.

However, James did not relish this moment. He didn't quite like the groggy feeling he felt as he pulled himself out of bed and into the bathroom. He felt as if he had overslept, for some reason. It was too rare of an occasion that he slept in past nine thirty in the morning during term and he wasn't quite sure that he was enjoying it so much. It wasn't as if he was a morning person and that he actually liked getting pulled out of bed before he was ready. It was just that he wasn't used to it. And in this instance, it meant that something wasn't right.

He knew exactly what it was, of course. It was Sirius and his odd behavior. James knew damn well that Sirius wasn't being himself and he was worried. More so than he ever had been before about his best friend.

But he didn't know what to do. Sirius didn't seem to want help. And, quite frankly as that normally wouldn't have been a deciding factor for James when it came down to the well-being of one of his friends, James had no idea whatsoever on how to help him anyway.

He would have to know what was bothering him to do so.

But he really didn't want to think about it now. He and Remus had agreed, without voicing their ideas, that they were going to let Sirius cool off for a little while. It was obvious that he needed it. And James knew that Remus wanted nothing less than another fight with his friends to dwell on on a night like tonight. He had too much else to deal with and Sirius would just have to wait.

* * *

It wasn't until late that night that James and Peter saw Sirius at all.

They had already dropped Remus off at the Hospital Wing and were waiting up in the dormitory for curfew to pass when Sirius strolled in. They were working on an assignment, to make the time pass quicker, that they knew they wouldn't have the energy to work on tomorrow. The full moons were hardest on Remus, by far, but that didn't mean that they didn't take a lot out of the three animagi.

Sirius didn't bother to shower; he'd do that the next morning when they came back from the Whomping Willow. It was about an hour before curfew and all he wanted to do was collapse into bed, if even just for a short while.

He was exhausted from cleaning the Trophy Room, and the Potions classroom, and the Transfiguration classroom, and, just to top it all off, Slughorn and McGonagall's offices, all under the scrutinizing gaze of the two teachers and, during his time in the Trophy Room, Filch. It was a tiring day, but he'd worked through almost all of it. He'd been given time off for lunch and dinner, but it was so late into both meals that the Great Hall had been basically cleared out.

He smelt like cleaning supplies and the scent burned his nose, but he didn't care. He simply fell headfirst into his bed, stuffing his face into the pillow so as to block out all lights and smells and sounds. One leg still dangled off the side of his bed, but he didn't care.

James and Peter glanced up to watch this whole scene, but didn't say a word, just merely shrugged, and in James' case raised his eyebrows, and went back to their assignment. Best to let Sirius rest for a little while at least. He'd be in for a long night and then he had detention all over again the next morning. It was the least they could do for him, despite his behavior the past week.

Sirius appreciated their silence, but only for the two minutes that he lied awake before falling asleep.

* * *

Midnight found James and Peter putting away their school supplies and debating over whether or not they should wake Sirius. He'd been asleep since he came into the dorm room and they weren't certain it'd be safe to wake him up. He'd want them to, they knew him well enough to be sure of that. But he needed the rest and he wouldn't do much good at helping with a werewolf if he was half-asleep. And McGonagall would certainly be curious as to why he had not had the common sense to rest up for another long and tiring day of detention tomorrow morning.

"I think we should," Peter said to James, in his poor attempt for a whisper. For a rat, Peter never really had quite grasped onto the concept of silence. Though, James thought, that was always more associated with mice.

"I don't know," he whispered back. "He hasn't been sleeping too much lately."

"He'd kill us if he missed this."

"He might get killed if he doesn't, though."

"Oh would you both just shut up and wake me up already," came Sirius' muffled response into his pillow.

James rolled his eyes and sighed as his friend pushed himself up out of his sleeping position and rubbed his eyes, yawning as he glanced at the clock and then replacing his tired expression with one of shock. He still felt exhausted, but he hadn't expected on sleeping over just an hour. He didn't think he was _that_ tired.

"You guys go ahead," he insisted to his friends, knowing full well that Remus had already transformed and not wanting to make him wait for company any longer. "I'll catch up to you." Standing up, Sirius headed to his trunk to search through for some other clothes, that didn't smell like cleaning supplies.

"What about the cloak?" James asked.

Sirius shook his head and pulled out a clean pair of jeans. "I'll be sneaky. We're getting a little too big to both fit under it anyway, even with Wormtail as a rat."

James and Peter nodded and headed out of the dormitory. Sirius looked after them until he could hear distinctly the sound of the portrait door being closed. Sighing, he grabbed a shirt and immediately began to change.

* * *

Sirius' sneakers squeaked quietly as he hurried down the stairwell. He was in a hurry to get down to the Whomping Willow. He hated being late for Remus. That kid had done so much for him, and James and Peter, and Sirius felt that this one thing that they did for him wasn't nearly enough to repay him. He just wished that there was some way that they could be there for him during the transformation, without him ripping them to shreds right off the bat. He knew it was dangerous, but that never stopped him and his friends before. He didn't care. Remus was the first one to accept Sirius when he was sorted into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. James was a pureblood who knew much about the Black family and Peter was too cowardly to even begin to associate with someone like Sirius. But Remus was different. While he knew some things about the Black family name and the people that bore it, he didn't know so much to prevent him from socializing with the one who seemed to be different than the rest.

Cursing as his leg fell through a vanishing step, Sirius' quick reflexes were able to keep him from falling all the way through. Pulling himself up, he proceeded to hurry down the steps, with more caution than before.

Remus didn't deserve the person Sirius had become this past week. He was too good of a friend for that.

It wasn't until Sirius hit the landing of the main floor that he ran into another person. He'd been lucky thus far; he hadn't even thought of the possibility of running into another person. Mrs. Norris, maybe, but Sirius was probably the one person, outside of Filch, that could scare that cat away. Mrs. Norris had never been a problem for Sirius before. James was another story; Mrs. Norris might just very well be the one person, er cat, that scared _him_.

But Sirius did run into someone on the landing and he had to draw in a sharp breath when he turned the corner and ran straight into him.

With a groan, Sirius realized who it was. He would have taken McGonagall and her list of punishments over Snape any day.

"Where you off to in such a hurry, Black?" Snape sneered, that disgusting, slimy smirk sliding onto his face. Sirius made to push past the Slytherin, but Snape stepped in his way. "Going to meet your friend Lupin somewhere?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh come off it, Snape. Get out of my way." Sirius' voice held anything but humor in it, despite all the many years he spent teasing and mocking the boy in front of him. Instead, his voice held anger and malice and even a bit of rage.

"Oh I will. As soon as you tell me where you're going."

Sirius groaned again and danced anxiously on his feet, as if he had to use the restroom. He had had just about enough of Snape this week.

"Oh, or are you going to meet dear old daddy?" Sirius snapped his head back to leer at Snape, from where his eyes had been darting frantically and impatiently around him.

Narrowing his eyes, Sirius gripped his wand in his pocket, daring Severus with his mind to say anything else. Snape's smirk just grew even more triumphantly at that. He loved knowing that he had Black in his grasp, that he could use one little family problem to control the other boy entirely.

"That is where you're going isn't it?" He laughed. "Oh I would have thought after you ran away from home like a little girl that you would have destroyed all ties with him."

"Get out of my way, Snape." Sirius pushed Snape out of his way before waiting for the other boy to do so on his own. He was a good ten paces away when Snape's drawling voice called out,

"That's right. Run to daddy. Let him make you feel like a man."

Sirius stopped in his tracks, something inside him snapping. He had had enough. This had to end. Snape had caused too much damage between Sirius and his friends, too much stress on him, this week and Sirius was done with it. He was going to end it now.

Turning around sharply on his heel, Sirius had a deadly look on his face. His eyes were black, unrecognizable even to the gray ones the girls at Hogwarts usually drooled over. The smile on his face was cold and lifeless. "You really want to know where I'm going, Snape?" He asked, approaching the other, slightly shorter, boy. His grin widened, beyond just a smirk now.

"Follow me."

* * *

**author's note! **and this is the part where you review!


	7. one single mistake

**disclaimer! **Soo, I still don't own Harry Potter. Damn.

**author's note!** Wooo! Another chapter! Aren't you proud? This was probably the first time in a long time I was able to sit down and write an entire chapter the entire way through, no distractions. I'm proud of myself. Not to mention this is the quickest I've updated in a while.

* * *

Severus Snape could honestly count this as one of the, if not the, happiest moment in his life. After six years of constantly being berated by Sirius Black and his godawful-excuse-for-people posse, here he was finally getting his revenge. Never before had he had the pleasure of seeing Black so… defeated. It was the best feeling Severus had ever felt. Nothing, he thought, could be better than this.

Black stood before him, his back turned as he stopped in his tracks, Severus' words finally getting to him. He could not help the smirk from sliding into a grin of sheer joy and amusement. This was the moment he had been waiting for for six years. Black was shaking, Severus could tell even from behind. Severely shaking, not just his hands but his entire body in what could only be a fit of rage.

And then he turned around.

Severus' grin faltered and faded at the sight of Black's face. His eyes were cold and lifeless. The smile he bore held no humor nor amusement, only death. But Severus caught himself quickly enough, not wanting this moment to be ruined just by a moment of shock.

"You really want to know where I'm going, Snape?" Black asked, taking a rather intimidating step forward. Severus could honestly say that he had never been so frightened by the boy that stood just a couple of inches taller than him. But he wouldn't let Black see that.

The corners of his lips turned upwards once more, his left eyebrow raising only slightly, daring Black to tell him.

"Follow me," Black said and turned sharply on his heel, walking quickly towards the main entrance of the school. Severus was taken aback once more and had to jog to catch up with his nemesis.

The air was cold outside, when the two boys made their way to the grounds. Black was walking fast and Severus almost had to run to keep up with him. He didn't know where he was being led and the dark sky and the late hour, the extreme silence of the school, was beginning to unnerve him. For all he knew, Black and his friends were merely planning another huge prank on him and any minute Severus would find himself without his clothes before the entire school popped out from a disillusionment charm or something.

But he continued to follow Black, against his better judgment. He had waited far too long for this moment to let a simple uneasy feeling get him down.

Before too long, Black stopped a few yards in front of the Whomping Willow. He bent down, picked up a long stick, and tossed it to Severus. "Here."

Severus raised an eyebrow as he picked the stick up from where it had dropped in front of his feet. A stick? Sirius had led him all the way out here, in the middle of the night, to give him a stick? Now he knew it had to be some kind of joke.

But Black rolled his eyes and pointed to the tree, whose branches were swaying gently for the moment but every student at Hogwarts knew that if you disturbed them they could knock you halfway into the Forbidden Forest, or worse. "There's a knot, on the trunk. Press the stick to it and the branches will stop," Black explained. "Then you'll be free to go into the tunnel. There you'll find out everything you want to know."

With that, Black stepped out of the way, gesturing with his arms that Severus should do as he said. But Severus did not trust him. Crossing his arms, the Slytherin shook his head.

"I don't think so, Black. I'll press the knot with the stick, sure, and then the tree will only be all the more agitated, right? All part of your little plan, no doubt. I don't even see a tunnel."

Black rolled his eyes once more and walked the two short steps towards where Severus was standing, grabbed the stick from his hands, and proceeded towards the Whomping Willow, where he stuck the stick out, touched it to the knot in the tree, and then, without any hesitation, walked past the now completely stilled branches and disappeared into, what appeared to Severus, a tunnel in the tree.

In shock, Severus walked forward, following the other boy. He only just slipped into the tunnel when the branches started moving again and he thanked whatever lucky star he might have that he hadn't hesitated any longer.

Black was waiting for him in the tunnel and when he was sure Severus was following, he turned and continued through the incredibly tight tunnel with much less trouble than his smaller follower.

"Where," Severus started, stopping after his voice echoed. "Where are we going, Black?" He finished, in a voice just over a whisper.

Sirius didn't answer, just continued on his way in silence, until they reached the end of the tunnel. Severus stretched his back as he was finally able to stand up straight. The tunnel had widened into a short set of rock steps that the two boys began to climb, before reaching the top, where Sirius opened a trap door.

Pulling himself up, Severus found himself in a small room in what appeared to be a rundown house. The walls and the stairwell Sirius was currently climbing up creaked, as if the house had seen one too many winters. It didn't appear as if anyone lived there, but a sudden howling that sounded from upstairs made Severus feel as if they weren't alone.

A loud crash made Severus jump and he instantly regretted ever following Black in the first place, especially now that he was nowhere to be seen.

Severus ran up the stairwell, a feeling in the back of his mind telling him to go the other way, back down the trapdoor in the ground and out through the tunnel, back into the safety of his dormitory. This house was giving him the chills.

Nevertheless, he reached the landing of the stairs. Still he could not see Black, but another loud crash and an even louder howl came from a door to his right. Tentatively, Severus reached out towards the doorknob and slowly twisted it, pushing the door open.

* * *

James and Peter had long since transformed, as soon as they entered the Shrieking Shack. Remus had been howling in pain when they finally got to him, scratching and biting himself in lonely agony. But as soon as his stag and rat friends had arrived, the werewolf had instantly transformed into a playful animal, knocking the stag around and basically ignoring the rat, except when it crawled up his leg.

Although James' sole focus was on keeping the werewolf occupied, so that he didn't find the need to hurt himself, or anyone else, he couldn't help but be aggravated with Sirius at the same time. What was taking him so long? All he had to do was get changed. It was so much easier to do this when the wolf had a stag _and_ a dog to play with. Peter tried his best, but the rat form was far too small to do much good in distracting a grown werewolf.

It was pretty crowded in the room, even without Sirius, and James had a feeling they might have to expand their night to somewhere else. Where, he wasn't sure, but the four of them had been debating over this for some time. While the room they were in was the largest in the house and it could fit all four of them, in animal form, comfortably, it wasn't much to run around in. The werewolf form was big enough, but to add a stag as large as James and a dog that was about the size of a wolf, regular not were, just did not work out quite as well as the animagi would have hoped for.

Finally, after what felt like an hour of butting heads with Remus, Sirius showed up, in dog form and nudging the door to the room shut. He walked, rather than run playfully as he usually did, up to the wolf and allowed himself to be butted around a few times. Not exactly fun for the werewolf, when he wasn't shown any signs of a fight.

But, of course, James couldn't question Sirius just yet and instead just nudged him with his antler.

It was only about a minute and a half after Sirius had joined them that James noticed the door opening out of the corner of his eye. Looking up sharply and abandoning the werewolf to run the short distance to the door, he wondered who on earth would be in the Shrieking Shack at this time.

He wasn't able to make it to the door before the image of Severus Snape stood before him, eyes wide and face pale at the sight of a werewolf fighting with a dog.

* * *

Severus only caught sight of what was inside that room for a brief second. He didn't believe it at first, but then it all made sense. Lupin disappearing once a month. His friends commenting on his "furry little secret." The nickname, Moony. It all made sense. How had he never put the pieces together before?

Before he knew what hit him, a stag had rammed straight into Severus, knocking his feet from underneath him. Before he had the chance to recover, the stag disappeared and in its place was James Potter, slamming the door shut and pulling Severus to his feet, rushing him down the stairs as the sound of howling and barking increased and something hit the door with a loud bang.

A crash sounded as the two boys were halfway down the stairwell, James practically dragging Snape as he was in too much of a state of shock to use his own two feet. The howling and barking, on top of the crash of wood splintering, made it clear that the werewolf had made it out of the room and was headed towards the two boys. James knew that Sirius would try and keep the wolf from reaching them, but there was only so much he could do. Compared to Remus in wolf form, Sirius was no more than a Jack Russell Terrier. It was up to him to get Snape out of the Shack as quickly as possible. As soon as they hit the landing, James threw Snape down the trapdoor and lunged in after him, slamming it shut as soon as heavy and clumsy footsteps, what could only be the werewolf, reached the bottom of the stairs.

James wasted no time in dragging Snape through the tunnel, not caring once out of what had to be thousands of times of the other boy hitting his head on the short ceiling.

He saw light before they reached it, but as soon as the tunnel opened out of the tree, James hit the knot and pulled Snape through the once again still branches and threw him onto the ground once they reached safety. Screaming into the night air, James finally was able to get out some of his anger.

How could Sirius be so daft? Of course. That was why he had been so dull and slow when he first arrived. That was why he had made a point in closing the door, when usually they didn't bother with it. He must have known he'd done something stupid. And damn right he should have, showing up with Snape in tow. _Snape_, of all the people. He had to bring Snape.

James didn't even care what had gotten into his friend. He didn't care that this past week Sirius had turned into a completely different person, time and time again. He didn't care that Sirius' life had been a living hell this past summer. Never should Sirius have ever done this. No matter how drunk he ever got. No matter how frustrated he felt. No matter how angry Snape made him. Sirius knew better than this.

* * *

It took a good twenty minutes for Sirius to get Remus away from the trapdoor. The werewolf was scratching and biting at the place in the ground that what should have been his feast disappeared into. He'd swatted Sirius away several times, bitten him a few times and sure as hell landed a few of those claws on him a few times, but Sirius wouldn't give up. He needed Remus to get back up into that room, despite the fact that the door was now shattered; Remus would fix that in the morning, no doubt, especially after hearing what happened tonight. Sirius needed to get to James, to explain, to apologize.

When Remus was finally calm enough that Sirius managed to get him upstairs and after about ten more minutes of getting Peter to distract him with a game of Let's Swat the Rat, Sirius, in dog form, ran down the stairs and opened the trapdoor with his teeth before dropping into it and letting it fall shut. He ran through the tunnel, then, before reaching the end. Nudging the knot on the tree with his nose, although the branches were still calm, he transformed back into his human form and headed to where he could make out the shape of James pacing, and Snape sitting on the ground, shaking slightly.

Stopping a good few yards away from his friend, Sirius croaked out, "James," his voice cracking.

James stopped in his tracks momentarily, staring at Sirius, before his eyes narrowed and he waltzed quickly towards him. Sirius didn't even bother to, even if he had had the time to, protect himself from James' fist as it made contact with his jaw. Sirius fell to the ground and didn't pick himself up. He didn't care enough to raise his hand to his throbbing jaw, which felt as if it had been knocked out of place.

"You idiot!" James shouted. "What the hell is wrong with you? How could you be so goddamned stupid!" With a groan, James bent down, grabbed Sirius by his collar and pulled him to his feet. Not letting go of his shirt, James then turned towards Snape and grabbed a hold of his sleeve with his other hand, pulling him up as well.

Without another word, James marched the two of them up towards the castle, and towards Dumbledore's office.

* * *

**author's note!** Alright. And now that I wrote the chapter, you get to review! Yaay! Do it. Now. Seriously.


	8. so sorry

**disclaimer!** sooo little time has passed since i last wrote one of these out, miraculously, and i still do not own harry potter. shame.

**author's note!** who's awesome? that's right. it took me almost three hours to write even just this much, getting distracted with various humorous youtube videos and discussing the wonders of alice in wonderland with my friend, but i did get out of bed at two am to write this. just for you guys. and to shut my mind up. soo here you go. i hope you enjoy it, and the fact that i updated twice tonight, enough to review. (:

* * *

They ran into Professor McGongall on their way up to Dumbledore's office. She apparently was the teacher on parole duty that night and was actually on her way to bed when the three boys stumbled past her.

She was livid, obviously, at the sight of them. No more so than James, of course, but it was clear that she was not happy at finding the same three boys she had discovered on the Quidditch Pitch just days earlier.

When asked "what on earth did they think they were doing out of bed at this hour," James had merely responded by saying they needed to see Dumbledore, immediately. McGonagall, not taking too lightly being ordered by a student who was out and breaking the curfew rule, tugging two other curfew breakers by their shirts, furiously obliged and led them up to the headmaster's office.

He was, of course, surprised to see them. But he calmly had them sit down in the three opposing chairs that had already been there, as if he had been expecting them, sitting across from his desk.

"Now," Dumbledore started, his voice low and serious. "What is going on?"

"Why don't you ask him?" James snapped out, nodding his head towards Sirius, who sat, shrinking in his chair, to the left of him.

Dumbledore turned his attention towards Sirius, but the other boy merely bowed his head and muttered something incoherent under his breath. The headmaster leaned forward. "You're going to have to speak up, Sirius. My hearing isn't quite what it used to be."

"I showed him," Sirius mumbled, just loud enough for Dumbledore and James to hear him, grief consuming his voice.

"Showed him what, Sirius?" Dumbledore asked calmly.

"He showed _him_," James cut in, gesturing violently towards Snape, who sat still in his chair, as if he was unaware to the rest of the world, still lost in his shock, although the shaking had long since ceased. "Remus," James finished, spitting out the name of his friend, but not in hatred of the one who bore the name, rather in hatred of the one who betrayed him.

McGonagall gasped quietly behind Dumbledore. The headmaster leaned back in his seat and Sirius dropped his face into his hands, shaking his head wildly.

"Sirius," Dumbledore started calmly. "Is this true?"

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, consumed with even more grief. "I'm so sorry."

James snorted from beside him. "Sorry?" He repeated. "You're sorry? You could have damn well killed him!" He stood up from his chair and shook Sirius. "You could have gotten the both of them killed!"

"James," Dumbledore spoke sternly. "Sit down." James hesitated but at the look in the headmaster's eyes obliged. Sighing, Dumbledore continued. "Severus."

Snape snapped out of his trance, suddenly, as if Dumbledore had spoken some magical word to break him out of it and back into the world of the living. He looked at the headmaster, fear still on his face.

"You are not to tell anyone of what you saw tonight. Am I clear?" Dumbledore asked, standing up from his desk and walking around it to the Slytherin boy. "Letting this secret slip would result in your expulsion. Do you understand me?" Snape nodded and Dumbledore smiled. "Good. You can go. Professor," he turned to McGonagall. "If you could bring Mr. Snape to the Hospital Wing, I think he needs some looking after."

McGonagall nodded and helped Snape out of his chair before leading him out of the office. When they left, Dumbledore turned back to the two Gryffindors.

"Now, I want to know exactly what happened tonight." His voice was stern, the expression on his face even more so. The normal twinkle in his eye was long gone and James was certain that he had never seen the headmaster so serious before.

It unnerved him.

Clearing his throat, James knew that Sirius wouldn't speak. He was still shaking his head and muttering "I'm sorry" over and over again. "Um, well I was in the Shrieking Shack with Remus," he started, not knowing a way around letting their secret slip out.

Dumbledore was taken aback. "You were where?" He asked, shock evident in his voice.

"The Shrieking Shack," James repeated. "When we found out that Remus was a werewolf, we worked on becoming animagi." He explained, lowering his head at the severity of the truth leaking out. Being unregistered animagi was illegal. It wasn't something that would just get them in trouble with the school. They wouldn't just get a detention or suspended or even expelled. Being an unregistered animagus was something that could result with imprisonment – in Azkaban.

Dumbledore sank into his chair behind his desk once more. A small chuckle escaped his mouth. James, and even Sirius, couldn't help but look up at the headmaster. "Animagi," he repeated. "How in Merlin's beard did you manage that?" There was a ghost of a smile on his lips and it was obvious he was amused, rather than enraged.

James shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Research?" He answered with, a rather guilty smile on his own face. "It took us until the end of last year to manage it. I transform into a stag. Peter's a rat. He's a dog." He inclined his head sharply towards Sirius.

Dumbledore shook his head. "I don't believe it." A moment passed as the headmaster was lost in his thoughts. He then waved his hand and urged James to continue his story.

"Well, Peter and I were with Remus. It helps him, distracts him from hurting himself. Sirius was late. He showed up, but he wasn't himself. And then Snape was there, in the doorway, and I ran to knock him out of the way and get him out of there. Remus saw him, though, and started after us. I just barely managed to get Snape out of there in time."

Nodding, Dumbledore stroked his chin. "I see." He thought for a moment longer. "Sirius." He sat up straighter when he started again. "Why did you tell Mr. Snape about Mr. Lupin's condition?"

Sirius shook his head, his eyes laced with pain and regret. "I wanted it to stop."

"You wanted what to stop?" Dumbledore's voice and face leaked concern, with a bit of curiosity, while James merely rolled his eyes and sighed. He didn't think there was any excuse for what Sirius did.

"Everything," Sirius' voice was only a whisper now but James couldn't help muttering under his breath, "for Merlin's sake." He was silenced, however, at the look on Dumbledore's face.

"Mr. Potter, I think you should go to your dormitory now." James nodded and stood up, strolling from the office with one last hateful glance at Sirius' back. He let the door shut loudly behind him. When he left, Dumbledore stood from his chair once more before crossing over to sit in the seat James just left vacant. "Now, Sirius," he began, gently resting his hand on his student's arm, comfortingly. "What happened?"

Sirius looked up at his headmaster and couldn't contain himself any longer. Sobs shook his entire body as he brought his legs up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and burying his face in his knees. He was so ashamed of himself. He felt so horrible, so rotten. How he could ever betray his friend like this was beyond him. Remus had done so much for him. He had always been there for him. He was always ready to lend a helping hand, with his schoolwork or his girl problems or the many times he got in trouble with one of the teachers. Remus was always the last to judge and the first to help. After he ran away from home, it was James' house that he went to and James that he talked to, but it was Remus who helped him through it, mostly. He hadn't had to speak or even show he was hurting, Remus was just there, understanding and helpful. As far as Sirius was concerned, he owed his life to Remus. But instead, he'd almost ruined his friend's. Sirius was the worst friend in the world.

"I'm so sorry," he choked out between sobs. It had been so long since he last cried. He couldn't even remember the last time, but now it had been so long that it hurt his chest. "I'm so sorry," he repeated, forgetting where he was, despite the headmaster rubbing comforting circles on his back as he let the teenager cry.

When Sirius felt as if he had no more tears left in his body, despite many years of being stored up and suppressed, his sobbing finally shivered to a stop. He was still shaking slightly, but he didn't care so much. His dignity up and left him a long time ago anyway, back with his father and his stupid lessons. What had left him caring all these years, anyway? It did him no good. It all left him here, in this situation.

"Sirius," Dumbledore said quietly and calmly, not wanting to upset the boy any further. "I need to know what happened."

Sirius shook his head for what felt like the thousandth time that night. "Snape." He stated simply. "He, he found out."

"Found out about what? Remus?"

"No. He found out about me. My family, my dad."

"How they hurt you?" Dumbledore asked. It didn't take a genius to figure out that something terribly wrong went down in the Black household. Albus had figured that out long ago, before Sirius was even a student at Hogwarts. But he also knew that it had to be so much worse for Sirius than for, for instance, his younger brother Regulus or his cousins Narcissa and Bellatrix. The years the followed after his sorting into Gryffindor, rather than Slytherin, did not go unwatched by the headmaster. He knew very well that the bruises he came back with each term were no result from an angry door or a fight with a neighbor.

Sirius shook his head, then nodded. "Yes, no. My dad."

"What about your dad?"

"I can't tell you."

"Yes you can, Sirius. It's okay," Dumbledore said, covering Sirius' hand with his own.

"No!" Sirius suddenly shouted, jumping up out of his chair. "I can't!" He backed up until he reached the wall, wrapping his arms around his chest, as if to hold himself together. "It's all my fault."

Dumbledore stood and started towards his student but stopped as Sirius began to sink to the floor.

"I'm sorry," the teenager repeated before burying himself into his bent knees again.

The headmaster sighed quietly and approached Sirius, bending down as much as his aging bones would allow him to. "Sirius, it's okay." But Sirius just shook his head again and went back to repeating "I'm sorry" over and over again. Dumbledore wasn't sure what to do, other than to call for Madame Pomfrey, which he did.

* * *

James came back to an empty dormitory. For that he was grateful. He could throw his temper tantrum in solitude. As soon as he entered the room, he knocked over the first thing he came across, which just happened to be a lamp. He didn't care that it made a loud shattering noise when it fell to the ground. A low growl escaped his throat and he proceeded to tear apart the room. Sheets were torn from the beds, books were knocked off bedside tables, trunks were turned over, clothes were scattered across the room. By the time James collapsed on his bed, the room was a disaster.

He didn't understand. He didn't understand how Sirius could do something like this. After everything the four of them had been through, fighting over girls, school, family, Quidditch, Evans and everything, it just didn't make any sense. The four of them had been through everything together. They understood each other. They had become so close, so trusting of one another, that it wasn't even necessary for them to speak to know what the other was thinking.

James didn't care what brought Sirius to this point. He, along with Remus and Peter, had tried to get through to him all week. Sirius had had every opportunity to reach out to his friends for help. He hadn't needed to resort to this level.

He was so bloody stupid! A right git, that's for sure. James couldn't even profess how angry he was with Sirius at this moment. He was certain, however, that the next time he saw him, Sirius wouldn't get away without at least a broken nose, if someone else was there to pull him away.

Merlin, how could he be so stupid? Why on earth did he have to be so goddamn stupid? James didn't understand. He didn't understand why Sirius would betray his friend, someone who had stood by him through everything he had ever gone through, helped him with everything he needed help with. Remus had helped Sirius cheat, for Merlin's sake! And cheating was something Remus did more than just frown upon. It went against his nature, his better judgment, his morals. Remus was like a brother to Sirius. James just didn't understand how you could betray someone like that.

Sirius was dead, James knew that much.

* * *

**author's note!** so it's almost over. i reckon one more chapter until the end. if you guys like, i'd be glad to write up a sequel, though. but you don't have to decide just yet. haha. anyway, i hope you guys liked it. if so, or if not, tell me in a review. pleaaaaaase. (:


	9. the ending

**disclaimer!** –checks- Damn. Still don't own Harry Potter.

**author's note!** Here it is! The conclusion! Part one of it anyway. Yes, I didn't want to end it just yet, so I decided to make it into two parts. Besides, I felt it was running on a bit too much. Let me know how you feel of it, thus far. The ending is pretty blah for me.

* * *

Remus woke up with a pounding headache. He was still in the Shrieking Shack, but he was no longer in his wolf form. He was lying, as he did the morning after every full moon, on the floor naked. It was always awkward for him, this time, so his friends left before the sun rose, before Remus woke up. With a sigh, he grabbed the clothes he brought with him the night before and quickly dressed himself.

Like always, he didn't remember the night before. That made it hard for him, but he would rather not have to deal with the memories. It was just difficult to not be in control of his actions.

He headed out of the Shack after that, down the stairs and through the tunnel. He didn't need Madame Pomfrey to lead him out anymore; she stopped coming back in fourth year, when he was finally able to convince her he could handle himself to make it to the Hospital Wing on his own.

It was a chilly day, not unexpected for the nearing winter. For the middle of November, Remus would have expected worse, actually, especially since the sun was hidden in a sky full of clouds. Remus stuffed his hands into the front pocket of his sweatshirt, to keep them warm. No one was out on the grounds yet, being so early on a Sunday morning, so he, as always, didn't have to answer any questions. He'd spend the rest of the day in the Hospital Wing, claiming to not feel good, sleeping throughout the majority of it with the help of a dreamless potion.

He had, fortunately, finished his homework the previous two days. His teachers always gave him extra time to get his work done on the night of a full moon, but Remus never took it. He wanted to prove that he deserved to be here just as much, if not more, than any of the other students. He would get his work done and turned in on time, whether the full moon fell on a weekend or on a Tuesday, and he would do it all well.

The Hospital Wing wasn't empty when Remus arrived. There was a third year student laying in a bed in the front of the room, fast asleep with his skin a fading purple color. There was another student laying down on his side in the back of the room, his back facing Remus so that he couldn't see who it was. And a third student, sitting by the window in a chair, his legs curled up to his chest.

"Sirius?" Remus asked, as realization hit who it was. A feeling of dread filled him as he figured he must have hurt him, in wolf form. Sirius never would have come to the Hospital Wing if it wasn't something horrible. Remus had once bit into his rib cage, during a full moon, so deep he could barely stand on his four paws without collapsing. But James had had to force Sirius out of the Shack to tend to the lacerations. He refused to go to the Hospital Wing, even when he couldn't breathe.

There had been many other times in which Remus had injured Sirius, and Peter and James as well, but never had any of them gone to the Hospital Wing. They never wanted to risk the fact that they were animagi, it could get them expelled from school. And they never wanted Remus to feel guilty for hurting them. They had tried consistently to tell him that they didn't blame him, that it wasn't him.

Sirius tilted his head up at the sound of Remus' voice. He turned away just as quickly, but not before Remus saw the look on his face. He was taken aback and stopped in his tracks towards his friend. Sirius' face was filled with guilt and anguish.

"Sirius," he started again, finally crossing the room to reach his friend. "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry, Remus," Sirius muttered. "I'm so, so sorry. I never meant to do it."

Remus screwed his eyebrows up in confusion. "Do what?" He asked. "What did you do, Sirius?"

Sirius looked up at him again, his face so stricken with grief and regret that Remus felt sure that whatever it was his friend did that was so horrible to resort him to this level, one he had never seen Sirius at before, that he would forgive him right on the spot.

He opened his mouth to speak, but before Sirius could answer, Madame Pomfrey hurried into the room, a potion in her hand. "Ah, Mr. Lupin, come, come!" She said, waving him over to a nearby bed, but Remus didn't miss the dirty look she threw in Sirius' direction. Either, apparently, did Sirius, as looked down again and covered the back of his head with his hands, his fingers gripping his hair.

Remus would have liked to stay with Sirius, to understand what he was talking about, but his exhaustion was overwhelming at the moment and he hoped that whatever his friend was upset about was nothing as big as it seemed at the moment. That Sirius was just tired and was blowing things out of proportion. So he took the potion Madame Pomfrey handed him and laid down in the bed she had made up for him.

Moments later found Remus Lupin fast asleep.

* * *

James didn't sleep much the night before. He had been too angry, too full of rage that he just needed to take out. So, after Lily Evans came storming in at three in the morning to tell him to shut up, people were trying to sleep, James had cast a silencing spell around his room and continued to throw his tantrum. He hadn't even bothered to comment on how adorable Evans looked with her bed head and her plaid pajamas, looking absolutely defenseless but also completely intimidating at the same time with her usually green eyes matching her fiery red hair. James hadn't even noticed any of this at the time, being so distracted by his anger.

He did, however, collapse on the floor at around four thirty to fall into a fitful sleep. He spent the next hour falling in and out of sleep, until Peter came back into the dormitory, rubbing his eyes. James had kept Peter awake until six fifteen, shouting about how much an idiot Sirius was until the smaller boy finally passed out from exhaustion in his bed, leaving James to pace the room lost in his angered thoughts.

He finally fell into a dreamless sleep at about seven thirty and didn't wake again until after ten.

After that, he jumped into the shower and stayed in there, the steaming hot water eventually turning freezing cold, for about forty-five minutes before he got out and woke Peter up. He was sure that Remus wouldn't be awake yet, but he wanted to get down to the Hospital Wing. He wanted to tell Remus what happened before Dumbledore, McGonagall, Madame Pomfrey or anyone else could get to him. He wanted to prepare him. If James told him first, Remus would be able to get all his anger out before one of the staff members approached him.

James also wanted to get a glimpse of Snape, whom he was fairly certain would have spent the night in the Hospital Wing, and to throttle Sirius, who had never come to the dorm room. James hoped he had gotten expelled and sent home, wherever his home was now. He certainly was no longer welcome at the Potter household. As far as James was concerned, Sirius could go home and live with the people he claimed he was nothing like, but so obviously now was.

Remus was asleep, as James predicted, when the two boys made their way down to the Hospital Wing. Madame Pomfrey shooed them away, saying he'd be asleep most of the day. Peter suggested they go get breakfast. James had no appetite, but nevertheless agreed to join. He figured he could at least waste sometime in the Great Hall. He wasn't prepared, however, for the angry faces that littered the Gryffindor table.

It seemed he had woken up the vast majority of the house the night before.

But James held his head high as he walked beside Peter down the aisle until they took their seats, giving a few of fourth years a dirty look as they sat. The group of younger students quickly looked away. James Potter wasn't one to mess with. He had more than just a bag of tricks up his sleeve. He and Sirius were known for being quite the pranksters, and no one wanted to mess with that, whether or not James woke them all up in the wee hours of the morning.

Breakfast passed with little more trouble. By the time James pulled Peter away from his stack of pancakes fifteen minutes later, the night before had been seemingly forgotten.

The Hospital Wing was in the same condition as they had left it, with a few less patients, when James and Peter returned. Remus was still asleep and Madame Pomfrey was still trying to get the two of them to leave him alone. It was obvious to James that she wanted to be the one to tell Remus the news. The three other patients that had been there earlier were now gone.

The purple-skinned third year was gone. His skin had returned to normal by the time Peter and James had come by the first time and Madame Pomfrey sent him away to breakfast right after the two sixth years with her warning to stay away from vengeful girlfriends and, just maybe, not flirt with any more best friends of vengeful girlfriends.

Snape was gone, too, although James and Peter hadn't noticed him on their first visit of the day. He'd still been asleep, with his back facing them, but had woken to the sound of the school nurse shooing the Gryffindors away. He had been persistent when he claimed he was feeling much better, well enough to leave.

And Sirius was also gone. James had noticed him first thing upon entering. He had pointedly ignored him, however, as he remained in his seat by the window. Madame Pomfrey sent him up to his dormitory along with her dismissal of the third year, telling him the headmaster would summon him to his office later in the day to meet with him about his punishment, all with a scornful tone and ashamed glare.

James thought it all the better that no one else was left in the Hospital Wing. When Remus woke up, he didn't want Snape or Sirius or any prying ears around to hear the story.

* * *

Remus did wake up, two hours later. And he woke up to the sight of three sets of eyes staring down at him.

Madame Pomfrey was the first face he saw, as she leered over him, checking his pulse. Although, as James later would inform him, she was only sticking around so that she could be the one to tell him about Sirius. Remus had to clear his throat when she wouldn't move.

Then he noticed James, who was sitting lazily in the chair closest to Remus, rolling his eyes at the nurse and flicking something out from underneath his fingernail. He looked annoyed and Remus could instantly tell, from his many years of experience with James Potter, that it wasn't just at the school nurse.

And then there was Peter, who was sitting next to James, looking very nervous indeed. He was sitting upright in his chair and his leg was shaking so hard Remus' first thought was that he was having a seizure.

"What's going on?" Remus asked, after sitting up taking a sip of the water Madame Pomfrey handed him. He knew that it had to be something. After Sirius' behavior earlier and the fact that James and Peter were both waiting, not to mention without their final companion, for him to wake up. They never waited for him to wake up after a full moon. They would usually sleep in late and then lounge around the common room or the grounds, depending on the weather, until after dinner, when they would then proceed to worry about the mounds of homework they put off until the last minute.

Peter looked anxiously towards James, who was in the middle of a staring contest with Madame Pomfrey, one eyebrow raised and still flicking at his fingernail while she had her arms crossed and her stern look on. James won, after a few moments and Madame Pomfrey sighed exasperatedly and hurried away to her office.

James couldn't help the triumphant smirk on his face.

"So?" Remus pressed, getting more and more nervous by the second. It had to be something big. "Did I do something last night?" He asked in a lowered voice, despite the fact everyone in the Hospital Wing currently knew his situation.

James looked away from where he had been staring after Madame Pomfrey down to his friend. "Merlin no, Remus," he said, as if it was the stupidest thing in the world to suggest a werewolf might have done something bad.

"Then what is going on?" Remus asked, his voice leaving no room for argument or any more hesitation.

James sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and finally abandoning his damn fingernail. "_Sirius_ did something last night."

Remus should have figured, from his friend's strange behavior. "What did he do?" He questioned, his voice faltering a bit under the strange pretenses. Surely it couldn't have been anything too bad.

"He, um, he showed Snape," James answered, trying to keep the anger out of his voice, for Remus' sake. "How to get into the Shrieking Shack."

Remus' face paled on instant. He sank back further into the pillows and stared straight ahead, not being able to contain his fear.

"He saw you, Remus, Snape did. But you didn't hurt him," James added quickly, upon realizing the magnitude of his friend's fear. "Dumbledore swore him to secrecy, too. He was pretty shaken up, but I don't think he's going to tell anyone."

Remus shook his head. "Sirius," he said, his voice cracking so that he had to cough to clear his throat. "Sirius wouldn't do that." He turned his head towards James and the latter saw the pain and disbelief mixed on his face. "No, he's my friend. He would never"—he trailed off at that, the realization of the truth sinking in a bit. "No."

"I'm sorry, Moony."

"No, he wouldn't," Remus said, bending his knees up under the sheets and running both hands through his hair.

"He did," James whispered out. "He's an idiot, and I swear I am going to kill him the moment I see him. But he did."

Remus shook his head.

* * *

The rest of the visit didn't go any better. James and Peter were soon after kicked out once again by Madame Pomfrey, claiming they were disrupting her patient's healing process by distressing him.

They had nowhere else to go, so they headed up to the common room. It was too crowded there, however, and James didn't really want to deal with people, so they went into their dormitory. Sirius wasn't there, which made James a little upset as he had wanted to execute the kid before he went anywhere near Remus ever again.

Instead, the two broke out their homework and quietly worked on that for the remainder of the day.

* * *

Professor Dumbledore came to visit Remus about an hour after James and Peter left. He'd been given a calming draught by Madame Pomfrey, but it was already starting to wear off. He figured it had something to do with the extremity of his sudden distress.

"Remus," the headmaster started calmly as he sat next to the student's bed. "How are you feeling?"

Remus shrugged, not really knowing how to put into words the emotional turmoil he was currently experiencing. And especially not wanting to let his headmaster know that he was feeling like jumping off a cliff, or murdering his best friend, whichever was easier.

Dumbledore sighed. "I realize that your friends have told you about the unfortunate incident that took place the night before." Remus nodded. "I do want you to know that there's nothing about last night that is at your fault. The blame lies solely on Mr. Black and Mr. Snape, perhaps more so on the former."

Remus shook his head. "But if I weren't"—

Dumbledore cut him off, "Well, the fact that you are what you are is also not your fault."

"What's going to happen now?" Remus asked, for the sake of not only himself, but that of his friends and Sirius and Snape.

Dumbledore sighed. "Well, we already contacted your parents last night. Your parents wrote you a letter in addition to their response for me." With that, he pulled a letter out of his robes and handed it to Remus, waiting for the boy to open it and read it.

Remus shook his head as he reached the bottom of the letter. "They want to pull me out?" he asked, not quite believing that his parents would come to such a decision.

The headmaster nodded. "That is their wish. However, I told them that it would be best for you to make that decision; they've agreed." Remus sighed in relief.

"I don't want to leave Hogwarts," he said decidedly.

Dumbledore nodded again. "You can respond to them in a bit. Now, the case of the matter returns to Mr. Black and Mr. Snape." He sighed. "This situation is very serious. We also wrote letters to each of their parents, with minimal information; merely telling them that Sirius pulled a prank that nearly cost yours and Mr. Snape's lives." Remus nodded, thankful that the information of him being a werewolf was not spread throughout the Snape or the Black families. "Severus has agreed to not telling anyone about this," Dumbledore continued. "I have faith that he will uphold his promise." He had a small smile when he said this and Remus came to the conclusion that Snape must have been threatened into silence somehow or another. "But I feel it is best if Sirius takes some time off of school for a bit."

"You mean suspension?" Remus asked, dumbfounded. Sirius had been threatened with suspension, and expulsion for that matter, for years. By McGonagall, by Filch, even by Dumbledore a few times. But never had it ever actually happened. Sirius had never done anything bad enough to get him into that much trouble.

The headmaster nodded. "Yes, until Mr. Black returns to school in two weeks time, we'll leave it you, James and Peter to decide the rest of his fate." With that, Dumbledore stood and rested his hand on Remus' shoulder briefly. "Get some rest, Mr. Lupin."

Remus nodded and watched the headmaster leave the Hospital Wing. He figured that meant he wouldn't be seeing Sirius for some time, and for that he was grateful. He wasn't sure if he could deal with his friend just yet.

* * *

**author's note!** Okay, so I promise it's not over yet. I'll have the second part of the conclusion out hopefully tomorrow. (: Please review. I love reviews. I get all happy and giddy when I see that I've got a new one. Looove you guys.


	10. author's note

**author's note! **Okay guys, here's the deal. So I decided that, after really forgetting and avoiding writing the second part of the final, that I was just going to leave it at that. However! Before you get your pitchforks out and hunt me down, I'm still planning on writing both a prequel and a sequel to the story. I'll probably wind up writing them at the same time, just so I don't get bored with just writing one (I tend to do that), but in case that doesn't happen, due to lack of time and motivation on my part, which one would you guys rather come up first? Or, rather, which one would you like me to start first?

I love you guys and I'm so sorry I did not come through on my promise for a part two for this finale. (:


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